What a Night In Jail Taught Me; Growing Up Tamil in Canada: Yanchan Produced | Ep.99 - Gent's Talk

[00:00:00] Next thing I know they're reading my rights to me

[00:00:04] Now I'm getting arrested. I was like what the hell is going on? So next thing I know I'm back in the cruisers

[00:00:12] I'm handcuffed now. They're taking me to like

[00:00:15] Jail and then they took me to the station. I blew over there too. And now I'm sitting in a cell for the rest of the night

[00:00:23] It's like five in the morning

[00:00:46] Jansson welcome to the Gents Talk pod. Thank you so much for having me. This was

[00:00:51] a coincidence in the making turns out

[00:00:53] You know someone that we're working with and that was cool because he also reached out was like you got to have Jansson on

[00:00:58] So I'm like, alright. Yeah have this conversation crazy how the world works. I ended up

[00:01:04] meeting Toshi

[00:01:07] In a random car ride going to an event together

[00:01:10] I mean shout out to him for you know, bring bringing me to that event

[00:01:13] Yeah, and he was speaking very highly of you. So no, thank you for having me

[00:01:17] Listen he spoke very highly of you. So you got a lot to live up to

[00:01:24] So Jansson tell me something your

[00:01:27] for those who only see your

[00:01:31] Online social presence, but don't know who Jansson is

[00:01:35] What's the backstory there?

[00:01:37] I'll try my best to keep it short. But I mean short story. I'm just a

[00:01:43] A vulnerable Tamil kid who grew up in Scarborough around a lot of Tamil culture and also other cultures and

[00:01:52] I

[00:01:54] Was able to find my way through life

[00:01:57] with using music as my

[00:01:59] medium to connect

[00:02:01] When I was six years old, I saw someone play the South Indian drum called the Mridangam

[00:02:07] I'm a professional middle and player now, and I just remember I used to go to these religious

[00:02:14] Hindu classes and then there was a talent show and I saw I vividly remember like it was yesterday

[00:02:19] There's a guy just playing the middle and go mad a talent show

[00:02:22] I remember pulling on my mom sorry, you know, I'm like I'm I need to learn this next week

[00:02:26] And I was such a brat back then like whatever I needed like I need to get it done. I would find a way

[00:02:30] Yeah

[00:02:31] so I kept like pestering my mom and my parents and the next week they put me in middle in class and

[00:02:36] Then from there, I don't know like

[00:02:40] Growing up in that Tamil culture and Scarborough like a lot of kids are forced into the South Indian classical arts

[00:02:46] Carnatic music either like kind of vocal or dance or the misangam

[00:02:50] But for some reason I was just drawn to that

[00:02:52] It was like love at first sight and I feel like that drum is what just

[00:02:56] Opened up this whole door of like music for me

[00:02:59] And I was just obsessed bro, like I would be practicing on my own for like two hours a day

[00:03:04] Without my parents like pushing me and I think even my parents wanted like

[00:03:07] Something different about this case wrong with this kid, but you know shout out to my parents

[00:03:12] They just let me do what I want to do

[00:03:14] And then that just took me on this journey of like exploring that drum

[00:03:18] And now I'm at a point in my life where I'm like, okay

[00:03:21] Let me take what I love from the past with which was the misangam and now I have a new love and appreciation

[00:03:26] For like hip-hop R&B and that's why I gone to music production

[00:03:30] And you're incorporating some of those yeah

[00:03:32] So now my goal is trying to bridge the gap between South India North America through music production

[00:03:37] Hence why you see a lot of those elements in my production with the artists I produce for

[00:03:41] When you said a lot of kids are forced into the arts. Yeah, why'd you use the word forced?

[00:03:48] I think it's just such a strong part of our culture. I think that's one way, you know Tamil parents

[00:03:54] pass down their culture to their kids, right like

[00:03:58] Especially chronic music it's such a

[00:04:01] strong way to

[00:04:03] Connect back to the culture and like like for me, especially

[00:04:06] I don't know about how it is now for the kids growing up

[00:04:08] but for me growing up like thousands of Tamil kids were

[00:04:12] pushed into like when I mean forces like you had no choice like the parents would put you into like

[00:04:17] Indian classical dance or Indian classical vocal. That's how I got into

[00:04:20] I actually did Indian classical vocal first like I didn't have a choice

[00:04:23] My parents put me in there, but I ended up enjoying it

[00:04:26] So I would talk to other kids who were in the class and they'd be like they wouldn't practice

[00:04:30] Right, they would get gal that in class because they wouldn't be practicing and then I would ask them the question

[00:04:34] Then I could tell that they weren't passionate about it, but they still had to come to that 8 a.m. Class

[00:04:39] But some of them along the journey would end up liking it down the line, right?

[00:04:43] So there's the flip side and then me and my small group of friends

[00:04:48] We were like it's very passionate from the beginning

[00:04:50] So they're actually still friends with me till this day

[00:04:53] But we all connected and then and they're practicing together and

[00:04:57] Yeah, so that's why I feel like a lot of kids were just pushed

[00:05:00] It was pushed for them, right and they ended up just stopping like halfway or and they're pretty like what I do

[00:05:07] I've had a few conversations with some some people who've talked about

[00:05:12] Growing up being Tamil in Scarborough wasn't the easiest thing

[00:05:18] That there was some hardships and challenges that come with being a Tamil kid in Scarborough, there's a lot of

[00:05:24] Stereotypes that come with something like that too. Right? Was that something that you ever saw or experienced? I mean

[00:05:31] For me personally not as much but I did felt this

[00:05:36] Like identity issue of like who do I connect with because I grew up not with just you know

[00:05:41] Tamil friends, you know, I had white friends. I had Asian friends black friends

[00:05:45] But then I I did find myself kind of like going into grade 9 feeling like should I suppress this Tamil culture side of me

[00:05:51] A little bit try not to talk Tamil in front of my friends who are not Tamil just to fit in just to fit in

[00:05:58] Try not be around Tamil kids as much just to fit in like I did have those

[00:06:03] Questions, right?

[00:06:04] But then of course like the friends group that I end up really connecting with were Tamil

[00:06:09] Right and then the more and more I really started embracing the

[00:06:14] Music side of me right and embracing the Tamil culture side of my music the more I'm like man

[00:06:18] Why am I afraid to really talk about this?

[00:06:21] Showcases even when I'm not around people who are Tamil. Let me educate them on the culture that I love and

[00:06:28] It's a part of my identity, right?

[00:06:30] So I think no I definitely battled with that obviously you had the Tamil gangs and you know

[00:06:34] The violence that would happen throughout the years, but I wasn't really involved in any of that

[00:06:38] I saw from the outside

[00:06:40] Got lucky. Yeah, but for me, I think you know music was always my escape

[00:06:44] So I always just brought it back to music

[00:06:46] so how did you balance and I'm curious about the identity piece because

[00:06:50] We were talking about Sid's room right before this had a number of different guests talk about the challenges of balancing

[00:06:57] One culture with another I'm either too

[00:07:01] X or too Canadian and trying to find that balance in between both was always a challenge for them

[00:07:07] How did you balance especially when you talked about going into you know, grade 9 essentially high school is a very

[00:07:14] Impressionable time. Yeah my young man's life and then also going into that with the idea of I'm either too Tamil or too Canadian

[00:07:21] Right because if you go to the other side, then you run the risk of alienating

[00:07:27] People from your community your own family thinking oh, you're you're too westernized now. How did you balance all that?

[00:07:33] I mean for me it wasn't too much of a struggle because I felt like I was just being me the whole time

[00:07:39] Obviously, I had those moments of like okay. I'm scared to

[00:07:42] Maybe I might have a little bit of an accent when I'm talking right because like when we're when I'm at home

[00:07:46] I'm talking kind of with like a

[00:07:49] Brown accent in English with my parents or I'm talking to someone English mix, right?

[00:07:54] But I think it helped that

[00:07:56] Especially in high school. There were still a lot of thermal

[00:08:00] People around me man and I had a lot of friends

[00:08:03] So I could still be myself around them and they would still be themselves around everybody else too

[00:08:08] Yeah, so that made that transition more easier

[00:08:11] But before that yeah, like at school, right if it was like elementary school, I'd play with my friends

[00:08:17] I do whatever play ball right, but I'm not talking about the middle income. I'm not talking about the carnatic

[00:08:22] Music my industry about the constant playing I'm not talking about the Hindu temple

[00:08:26] And prayed to right those are things I just left at home sure right now

[00:08:32] We'll talk about it when I get home with my parents or one of my town friends

[00:08:36] but no, I don't think it was really like a heart like a real battle for me to be like I'm too Canadian or

[00:08:44] too Tamil

[00:08:46] Cuz like yeah growing up in Scarborough. Like I feel like that was the Canadian thing

[00:08:51] Yeah, it's like to be some sort of mix some sort of mix. That's all you saw

[00:08:55] Like my high school was filled with a lot of Indian people

[00:08:59] more than

[00:09:01] Everyone else. So it didn't really feel like I had to

[00:09:05] Try like my heart is to fit in if that makes sense. Do you find the reception to your music amongst non?

[00:09:13] Tamils

[00:09:15] Positive or are you finding that there's still a level of awareness and education around this style of music that you still have

[00:09:22] Let me teach you a little bit about this type of thing. Yeah, I think now a lot more people are very open

[00:09:27] Yeah, especially with music like it's such a hybrid of genres. It's not one genre anymore. Like you look at the pop

[00:09:34] Billboard charts. It's like you see Korean music

[00:09:36] You know, you see our sake BTS collaborating with artists like Coldplay

[00:09:40] Yeah, and I love that you see yards like a P. Dillon in the Punjabi market dominating and I love that so

[00:09:46] for example, like last year I performed with

[00:09:49] I saw it DJ convict shout out to him and he brought me out to this festival in Winnipeg

[00:09:54] This folk festival and I brought my miss long them with me and you know, he he remixes a bunch of

[00:09:59] Indian records with like EDM electronic, right?

[00:10:02] And then I'm playing members on them over it and the whole crowd was like

[00:10:06] Into it. Yeah, and a lot of people were not Tamil. Why people are white

[00:10:10] when I saw one a bag

[00:10:12] I don't know what to expect but this is like five thousand people there

[00:10:16] Yeah, and they want like an encore they were they kept vibe to it when I saw that I'm like, okay

[00:10:21] You know, there's a place for us everywhere. Everyone can be open to this kind of music

[00:10:25] Sure

[00:10:25] And I think a lot of people want something different they want something that's old but with the new perspective

[00:10:30] That's kind of like what I'm doing with

[00:10:32] No, when I sampled old Tamil records or I'm bringing back the mirthangam and kinetic songs

[00:10:37] I'm taking all the inspiration I had when I was a little kid

[00:10:39] I'm listening to these songs and trying to shed new light on them. I'm curious

[00:10:43] is Tamil culture

[00:10:46] So I come from Middle Eastern background. Okay, when the men in that culture

[00:10:52] Express

[00:10:54] themselves artistically which generally requires you to be some level of vulnerable

[00:10:59] Through your art right like to be an artist generally speaking. You're vulnerable in one way or another

[00:11:04] You're showcasing yourself. You're kind of laying yourself bare to the world saying this is my art. This is me

[00:11:11] In the Middle East there's still a

[00:11:13] Percentage of men who would look at that and go that's not a very masculine thing

[00:11:21] Does something like that exist in Tamil culture still and I say still because I've had friend Tamil friends growing up

[00:11:28] Told me at various times

[00:11:30] Like the idea of you know, having a conversation with your dad or telling your dad

[00:11:35] You love them type of thing. Like that's that you don't really do those things

[00:11:38] From what you're seeing. Yeah, has that changed is it still the same?

[00:11:42] I

[00:11:43] Mean when I look at the younger generation now, like I look at my nieces and nephews and how they're brought up

[00:11:48] I feel like like my generation. I was born in 95. I feel like our generation depending on the type of parents you had

[00:11:58] Most talent parents I feel like have some sort of levels of being strict. Hmm

[00:12:02] I was lucky enough or like, you know growing up

[00:12:04] My mom was pretty strict and conservative. My dad was more of the chilled laid-back. Okay, but still could be strict in certain areas

[00:12:10] But

[00:12:11] They allowed me to you know express myself. I wanted to like they would ask me like like son. Are you okay?

[00:12:18] I didn't know your parents know something's bothering sure and yeah, you know, I did struggle with opening up with them

[00:12:23] I still do because especially going to this space of like hip-hop and sure, you know music production

[00:12:28] Like this is an environment that they're not really accustomed to they just know about Tamil film music and Tamil movies

[00:12:35] And you know Bollywood movies they see the film composers

[00:12:38] But they don't see they don't know about hip-hop producers, right? They don't know about engineering

[00:12:43] so when I first started that journey like it was difficult to have that conversation with them, right I

[00:12:49] Think I I was scared. I don't want to let them down

[00:12:52] like

[00:12:54] My parents mean the world to me, right?

[00:12:56] I know how much they sacrificed to make sure me and my sister had the life we had now and just like

[00:13:00] All a bunch of other don't parents they fled the war the Civil War in Sri Lanka and came to

[00:13:05] Scarborough right and growing up for me like food was never an issue, right? They made sure I was good

[00:13:10] You were taking care of staying care. They never showed me the other side of their traumas, right?

[00:13:15] So now here I am

[00:13:18] Near the end of first university

[00:13:20] I went to Laurier for economics as a backup plan even though I knew my heart music was what I wanted to do

[00:13:26] Yeah, but then I was just sitting in my cubicle one day trying to study

[00:13:30] But I'm just on YouTube watching TED talks about people like going after their dreams and designing the life that they feel like they deserve

[00:13:37] I'm watching this TED talk with us. I'm like

[00:13:40] Fuck sorry. Am I okay? Yeah, I'm just like like what am I doing in my life?

[00:13:47] For me, I always cared about impact right and that's why when I dove into music I'm like, okay

[00:13:52] What's the impact on what's the legacy? I'm gonna leave behind once I'm gone off this earth

[00:13:56] And I really believe it's music so I'm sitting there I'm like, you know, like fuck this shit

[00:14:00] I can't yeah

[00:14:01] I I know that voice is there right beside me and I'll be doing a disservice to myself and not reaching my full potential

[00:14:07] If I didn't take that leap of faith and just stop

[00:14:10] But then I was so scared to have that comes through my parents, right?

[00:14:14] Cuz yeah growing up in the Tamil household. I still had that

[00:14:17] Subconscious of like you got to be a doctor

[00:14:19] You got to be an engineer gotta be a lawyer because that's what was fed to me down my throat

[00:14:23] Because that's what town parents knew would make money it was proven right?

[00:14:27] I mean our parents are coming over just thinking how do we create a life to get our kids just enough that they can

[00:14:34] Go and succeed and then they don't have to worry about the struggles that we went through exactly

[00:14:38] So of course growing up with that, like I always had that in the back of my mind, right?

[00:14:42] So I would always tell people like I want to be a cardiologist

[00:14:44] I want to be a carpenter like I want to do all the other things right that I thought would bring me money and

[00:14:49] Happiness but at the end of the day I knew music was my calling but there was never no conversations about you can make money music

[00:14:55] There's no there was there wasn't anyone for me to look up to in that sense

[00:14:58] A Tamil person who was making money music at a very high level who had the billboard charts was a producer

[00:15:04] So I had to meet make my own blueprint. I had to make my own path

[00:15:08] Yeah, so trying to communicate that to my parents was difficult because again, I'm still talking and like English and Tamil

[00:15:15] But how do I make them understand this vision that's in my head that still kind of blurry for me, right?

[00:15:20] Do they understand it now? I think yeah

[00:15:22] I mean, I think it's still kind of hard for them in the sense of like work in progress

[00:15:26] It's a work in progress. Yeah, but no man like big shout to them

[00:15:30] Like they've really just let me do my thing and I think now that they're seeing the impact

[00:15:35] They see all the people going up to them like you are you

[00:15:37] Yonston's parents like we watch his video on Instagram. We seen him on tour. We see him playing for the Raptors

[00:15:43] We see him bringing the culture together and this is what I told him from the beginning

[00:15:46] Yeah, like don't worry on my Napa like give me like three four years and I'll show you

[00:15:51] I'll show you that I can do something with this

[00:15:53] I know you might not understand it now, but I know one day this is gonna work out and

[00:15:58] I'm gonna help the next generation of you know, Tamu kids as well through this process

[00:16:02] I I really believe that so what would you say to the you know, a young tamil kid comes up to you and goes

[00:16:07] I

[00:16:09] Like what you're doing I want to follow that or any young kid who wants to become a musician

[00:16:14] Yeah for that matter comes up to you and says hey

[00:16:17] Love the the the authenticity of what you're doing. Yeah, where do I start?

[00:16:21] What would you say?

[00:16:23] So I try my best to answer a bunch of questions of like artists and producers hit me up on my DMs

[00:16:29] About music production or just engineering

[00:16:31] Brow tell them like yo start with

[00:16:34] Do you have a laptop do you have some a product that you can use

[00:16:39] Where you can either crack or buy music software program, right and then go on YouTube and literally

[00:16:48] Experiment for hours. Yeah, that's what I was doing first right before I had a teacher before I had anything

[00:16:52] I'm like, let me teach myself the basics

[00:16:55] You can go to school to learn the basics

[00:16:57] But I feel like you can find your own path when you just experiment like there's so much beauty in experimenting and

[00:17:02] And repetition you find certain rhythms and systems that work for you

[00:17:06] Like the way I'm sampling records is different from probably the next person

[00:17:10] because I had to find my own way of learning how to sample me right at the time for me, I had a MacBook Air and

[00:17:17] There's only one program you could really put on on the MacBook. I wanted FL studio

[00:17:22] That's what all the hip-hop producers were using and I wanted those hard drums

[00:17:25] but then my friend at the time put Ableton and

[00:17:30] It was so foreign to me, I'm like, I don't know what this looks like

[00:17:33] But I was just so passionate and hungry to learn so literally every day for like months, bro

[00:17:38] Once I'll do sitting in my apartment and just go to tutorials and then try it. Okay, this is how you make a drum rack

[00:17:43] Okay, drag the drum rack put the kick drum on this pad. Okay, then hit it on the keypad

[00:17:48] Finding which keypad so that's the first thing I would tell like you gotta have a hunger to just try

[00:17:52] Yeah by yourself if you can't go past that point there

[00:17:55] I feel like it's gonna this industry be very hard for you. So obviously as you're going through this process

[00:18:02] There's moments where you're failing

[00:18:04] right where

[00:18:06] There had to be a moment where you thought to yourself

[00:18:08] This is not gonna work like as confident as you can be there's definitely moments where you're like did I make it?

[00:18:14] A bad decision here should I have gone to universe should I stayed or should I have done this or that or?

[00:18:20] Can you share maybe one of those moments and how you got out of that?

[00:18:25] Yeah, I'll show you a big one where I thought I was like I

[00:18:28] Already thought I was pathetic. I was like what the fuck am I doing my life right and to bring it back in 2017

[00:18:35] so at the time when I

[00:18:37] Took made the conscious decision. I'm gonna do music. This is my thing

[00:18:41] I was working part-time at Best Buy now young and done that's shout out to best by you know

[00:18:45] all the employees there at that time they were supporting me on my journey to

[00:18:49] I

[00:18:50] Used to work for this artist development company out in Kitchener, Waterloo

[00:18:55] So I would take a bus from Scarborough to Kitchener. Oh Jesus just

[00:18:59] Would it take four hours sometimes bro, and I would do that just to you know to show to show

[00:19:05] the people that I was serious and

[00:19:07] Actually my current manager now Mike T came from that that journey

[00:19:11] So I kept doing these four hour bus rides there and I would go

[00:19:15] It would be like 8 p.m. To 2 a.m. Session

[00:19:17] I'll get there just in time for the 8 p.m. Session then finish at 2 a.m.

[00:19:21] And then sleep at one of my boys crib because all my boys are still starting at Laurier

[00:19:24] Right it was close to the campus sleep at their crib and then take the 5 a.m. Go bus back to my 9 a.m.

[00:19:30] Shift

[00:19:31] I was doing this killing myself for like a year, and I'm like I can't live like this so I ended up

[00:19:36] getting a car I

[00:19:38] financed a brand new Mazda I got it and

[00:19:43] Now this made my life a little more peaceful I can drive to work I could drive to

[00:19:48] Kitchen your own schedule. Yeah, so I had that for a few months, and then I still remember this

[00:19:54] I think was March would be March 17th or something I got an opportunity to meet Sid Sriram

[00:19:59] Yeah, and I told him the story to when I met him a few years ago crazy because I'm an opportunist and for me

[00:20:05] Because I was on his journey whenever I had a moment to really connect with someone

[00:20:08] I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get to that point right so I did this with a RL Munzer

[00:20:12] I did this with you know SVDP

[00:20:15] Then I had a moment Sid was performing for this event and my friends got a VIP backstage pass to meet him and

[00:20:22] You know they wanted to bring me along

[00:20:25] So I'm like okay. I'm there

[00:20:26] But up until this point I was really killing myself

[00:20:30] Driving back and forth too, so I was very tired. Yeah, you gotta understand

[00:20:33] I'm a kid who likes to go to bed early. I'm in bed by 10 p.m.. Waking up at 7 8

[00:20:38] Yeah, that's how my body's been accustomed so like when I have the late night sessions especially I'm driving

[00:20:42] Like and then going to work like I was tired yeah, so yeah, this was a late event

[00:20:46] I had a few drinks right and I got a chance to meet Sid then I meet Sid and

[00:20:53] I got a little

[00:20:54] Little excited. I would feel like right I

[00:20:57] Had it I remember I had an envelope

[00:20:59] I gave to him with the USB of songs

[00:21:00] I sampled of his voice and I'm like bro like when you get a chance like if you can't take a

[00:21:05] Take a look at this

[00:21:06] I think you'll enjoy because I really want to produce for Sid right

[00:21:09] I was loving all the stuff he's doing even now

[00:21:13] And then yeah, I remember driving home that night. It's like 330 and

[00:21:18] Then I was with my boy too right and he even asked me is like Yantani sure you don't want to sleep

[00:21:23] Or at the hotel. It's late. It was in Markham. I live in Scarborough

[00:21:26] Maybe it would have been like a 15 minute journey, and then I'm like no, but don't worry

[00:21:29] So then I dropped him off at the hotel. I'm right by Ken the end

[00:21:34] like ETR

[00:21:37] And next thing you know I just remember I fell asleep on the wheel like a few seconds I

[00:21:42] Fall asleep, and I wake up and I

[00:21:45] smashed into a big boulder

[00:21:48] So I was on

[00:21:50] The road and I think I fell asleep and with my my feet on a foot pedal

[00:21:54] And this is this is what I'm telling you bro like this God has some mysterious ways of working like it was an open

[00:22:00] Field bro, and there was one random boulder in open field. That's right

[00:22:05] Smash into

[00:22:06] So I remember opening my eyes, and I feel like I saw stars

[00:22:09] Not that it was a dream. You know you have those dreams, but like

[00:22:13] Reality I look I'm like I have some scratches on me. I said engine engine came in

[00:22:19] Okay, so I can't get out of the left side. I turn around I look back, and I see Mike my car is fuming

[00:22:26] So now I'm thinking is that going to be like a movie scene like is my car gonna blow up?

[00:22:29] I gotta get out so I had to crawl out of the right side

[00:22:32] Then I ran to the sidewalk

[00:22:34] Right and I'm tripping bro

[00:22:36] I'm like like it went from like the highest point of my life to the lowest

[00:22:42] Point in my life in the span of like an hour right I just met sit here on I gave him an envelope of

[00:22:47] My music I have this new car that I'm financing by the way. I didn't buy out fully

[00:22:52] And now we just crashed it and now I might be in risk of maybe a DUI

[00:22:57] Right true. Yeah

[00:23:00] And then I'm at the sidewalk and I remember trembling and being so scared

[00:23:03] Remember trying to call my boy and my phone dies

[00:23:06] And I'm everything that could go wrong everything and I'm like to make the matters. I'm like fuck. I hope no cops come

[00:23:13] two cruisers pull up

[00:23:16] I'm on a sidewalk and they're like they see my car now what happened

[00:23:20] This is my first time being situation you got on son, bro

[00:23:22] I'm a pretty good kid like I don't get in trouble like this

[00:23:24] Yeah, and my mom didn't know I drank at that time. Yeah, right. I told I wouldn't right

[00:23:31] So

[00:23:32] It's like yeah, it's like four o'clock now and officers asked me what happened. I'm like, okay, like it was kind of rain

[00:23:37] I'm like slipped on the side of road and like do you have any drinks?

[00:23:41] And I'm like I had a beer a couple hours ago

[00:23:43] Right and they're like, okay, we got to a breathalyzer

[00:23:47] And it did the breathalyzer I mean I blew over bro

[00:23:51] Next thing I know they're reading my rights to me

[00:23:54] Now I'm getting arrested. I'm like what the hell is going on. So next thing I know I'm back in the cruisers

[00:24:02] I'm handcuffed now. They're taking me to like

[00:24:05] Jail and then they took me to the station. I blew over there too

[00:24:11] And now I'm sitting in a cell for the rest of the night. It's like five in the morning. I

[00:24:16] Just remember just being curled up in a ball

[00:24:18] Like I was trying to sleep it off still think this could is a dream and then they come up to you

[00:24:22] Like if you want a free lawyer, we have this I

[00:24:24] Couldn't even call anyone because my phone was dead

[00:24:27] My parents probably think I'm still in the studio working right and yeah, I was there until like 8 a.m

[00:24:35] They let me go at like 9

[00:24:38] 9 a.m. The next morning and then gave me my court date papers and I took a taxi home

[00:24:43] And at that moment, I remember like I just felt so down bro. I was just like like and this is the same time where my

[00:24:50] My team wanted to bring me out to Miami

[00:24:55] They wanted to fly fly me out to Miami so I could work with more artists that we were developing out there. Mm-hmm

[00:25:00] And I was like I just ruined everything like a DUI is a criminal charge. Yep. I won't be able to fly

[00:25:07] Now I'm thinking how am I gonna pay for a car that I just finance? I'm working part-time. I

[00:25:13] Still gotta go to the studio. Well, how am I gonna tell these guys? I'm not gonna come back

[00:25:17] They're relying on me. How am I going to my parents especially my mom?

[00:25:22] So yeah, bro

[00:25:23] Like I felt really defeated but it was a that was a really probably one of the hardest years of my life

[00:25:28] like until March

[00:25:30] And then going to October like I had to deal with that case

[00:25:33] So then my parent, you know, I had to tell my parents course had to react

[00:25:38] Like I always tell him I'd yell at my dad like don't drink and drive right don't do this

[00:25:42] So he's like you're gonna tell me but then you're gonna do something like this. How could you be so stupid?

[00:25:46] I could kill somebody else

[00:25:48] Right very lucky. You didn't very lucky. It could have been so much worse, bro

[00:25:54] My mom would call me like at four in the morning like so many nights just crying like how could you do this to me?

[00:25:59] And I'm saying I didn't know what to say. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like I

[00:26:03] Just made a poor decision

[00:26:05] Bad time and but I think that moment looking back now it taught me a lot of resilience

[00:26:11] It like lit a fire under me where I'm like, I'm gonna get myself out of this

[00:26:14] So I begged my manager the time and I got a full-time job position at Best Buy while still going back to Waterloo

[00:26:21] so now

[00:26:22] That's why I felt pathetic. I'm like I got a car so I can drive to what loads of me

[00:26:26] But now I'm back to bussing it. Okay. Now I'm back to bussing to Waterloo still making the sessions working full-time

[00:26:32] Now I got to pay off for this car, right but and then I'm gonna pay off the lawyer

[00:26:38] So my parents like listen you got yourself in this mess. You had to get yourself out

[00:26:41] So I'm like, you know, I don't blame them

[00:26:43] So what have you learned from all of that? You can't stop by nothing to go for your dreams

[00:26:54] Like if I let that moment really defeat me I could have been like fuck the studio. I

[00:27:00] Could have been like fuck the lawyers. This is get the criminal record

[00:27:03] Right

[00:27:05] Yeah, I could just give up everything and mean like fuck music

[00:27:08] But no I fought my ass hard to get to this point now that I am now. I paid off my lawyer

[00:27:13] I I beat the case I

[00:27:18] Paid off the car

[00:27:20] right, of course my license suspended and I went through all that I ended up having to rent cars of Turo, but I found

[00:27:26] All other alternatives and that's what taught me like when life pushes you against, you know

[00:27:32] The back end of the wall

[00:27:34] You have no choice but but to find a way out. Yeah, right

[00:27:38] Because I wasn't gonna live I wasn't gonna let that moment define who I wasn't like I'm the hero in my story

[00:27:44] So I'm gonna create that narrative or like okay, I get out of this somehow

[00:27:47] Yeah, whether it takes a year two years because my ultimate dream was music man

[00:27:52] My ultimate dream was bridging this gap of South India North America. That means I need to travel

[00:27:56] That means I gotta touch people all over the world. I'm just like I meet people all over the world

[00:28:01] So yeah, man relationship with your parents now, oh man, it's amazing

[00:28:05] I think through you know in hindsight I was a blessing because I got to open up to my mom a lot more

[00:28:11] After that, I was able to open up to her about stuff

[00:28:14] I wouldn't because I was so scared like drinking is so like for me and my family drinking was so forbidden

[00:28:19] I was always pretty open my dad. Like, you know, I had a French a very like friendship five of my father my mom

[00:28:26] Not as much because she was more like the she was like the man of the house

[00:28:31] right

[00:28:32] So I was more fearful of her but after that incident like it took time it took time

[00:28:37] I imagine it would take a lot of time for something like that to heal but through trauma through

[00:28:43] Through adversity generally speaking you your relationships get stronger

[00:28:48] Right. Yeah for sure

[00:28:50] It's like a callous that just keeps keeps getting stronger and stronger, but it's a result of something that went wrong. Yeah, so

[00:28:59] The after all of that happened how long before you were able to finally get back on track. I mean

[00:29:09] To be honest bro, like even till this day that those moments still kind of set me back right?

[00:29:13] Like financially that was a big burden on me. I imagine I didn't have 10k

[00:29:18] So what am I using? I'm using my credit cards. I'm using line across whatever I can right and then paying off the minimums

[00:29:23] Right. I mean

[00:29:26] 2070 for the next two years was really really tough now like I'm in a way better position, you know, I'm making a lot more

[00:29:33] revenue and

[00:29:34] I'm a lot more smart. I'm smarter with my decisions

[00:29:38] But yeah drinking and driving. Yeah, no drinking and driving good, of course

[00:29:45] But yeah, the two years was tough. It was really tough because I still went to Miami too

[00:29:50] Like after the case was done

[00:29:51] Yeah, so just trying to balance everything and balance life too, right and balance our relationship with my my parents

[00:29:59] How do you balance all that

[00:30:01] Like balancing fact though that two years. Yeah plus balancing still wanting to be a

[00:30:08] Musician plus balancing the relationship with your parents plus balancing your full-time job plus balancing. I mean

[00:30:15] You're a young dude

[00:30:16] I'm sure you also had love interests at some point like balancing all of those things and friends and and and

[00:30:23] It's a lot. I became a ghost bro. Like I didn't see my friends as much

[00:30:27] Right, even if I was in I think I was in a relationship at that time too

[00:30:32] I wasn't seeing people because I was just so focused on the grind. I

[00:30:37] Was so focused I gotta get myself out of this

[00:30:39] Yeah

[00:30:39] Right

[00:30:40] So all I focus on was my full-time job at Best Buy

[00:30:43] Going to the studio whenever I can try make money wherever I can right the only people I really saw was probably my

[00:30:49] My parents at home

[00:30:51] right

[00:30:52] Because I knew if I couldn't I couldn't afford to go out all the time

[00:30:55] Yeah, right. I couldn't afford to just hang on my friends

[00:30:58] No way and I couldn't even afford to be in the present with them because this is all in my head

[00:31:03] Right like I would open up to my my best friend and you know my sister and whoever I was but a

[00:31:10] Lot of stuff I couldn't open up with everyone right because I still felt embarrassed you still feel embarrassed

[00:31:16] Looking back now. I felt

[00:31:19] Disappointed that I made that choice because like I said, I could have killed someone. Yeah, right

[00:31:24] That would have like I don't know how I would live with my life with that like that, right?

[00:31:30] But I think you know, I'm a firm believer everything happens the way it's supposed to I think I had to go to

[00:31:35] That moment to really teach me a life lesson

[00:31:38] Like listen anything could change any moment in a heartbeat in a heartbeat, right?

[00:31:43] But no, it was it would be more disappointment. I'd look at my younger self if

[00:31:51] If you were able to

[00:31:53] your

[00:31:54] 29 29 now if you were able to go back and speak to younger Janssen and say

[00:32:06] One piece of advice what would it be

[00:32:12] Just always stay true to your authentic self and don't stir stray away from that

[00:32:17] I think I got to this place now because I always focused on my vision and

[00:32:23] You know that vision might not be clear in the beginning

[00:32:27] It might be kind of blurry. But as you go to life experience it

[00:32:29] it gets more clear you meet the right people who will help you upon that vision and

[00:32:34] Yeah, cuz I think for me I never stopped believing in myself. I was my biggest champion

[00:32:39] I was one big supporter even through all these moments. I'm like Janssen like every more

[00:32:43] I tell myself even till it's today morning man. I have my daily affirmation

[00:32:47] I tell myself and I literally create a narrative in my head

[00:32:50] Before I am is so important. It's so but it's like a muscle you got to do it often

[00:32:54] Yeah, cuz I have the other side right? I got this like devil was like Johnson

[00:32:57] What the fuck you're doing? You're not working hard enough

[00:32:59] You're not grinding enough

[00:33:01] But I gotta kind of push this

[00:33:04] Part of your awesome down and bring up and I think I really think it's just like a habit

[00:33:09] So like every morning after I take a shower, I tell myself

[00:33:12] I made this beautiful story of like who I am

[00:33:14] As if I am this yawns in ten years from now and I tell myself that every day

[00:33:19] What is what does the answer in ten years from now look like?

[00:33:22] Well ten years from now, you know, I tell myself Janssen he has amazing gut health

[00:33:31] That's something I've been so important I've been struggling with that my whole life bro

[00:33:35] And that's something I haven't really figured out. I've tried different things

[00:33:39] But you know, I literally talked to my stomach I'm like you have amazing gut

[00:33:42] You have amazing relationship with you like your mind than your gut. Mmm

[00:33:46] Ten years from now Janssen you're working with all the biggest artists across all genres of music

[00:33:50] You are bridging the gap between South India North America the highest quality possible. Hmm

[00:33:54] You're making ten million dollars in profit towards your business every single year

[00:33:58] You're attracting increased amounts of revenue through multiple source of income every single day

[00:34:03] You're not kidding. You really thought all this through

[00:34:05] I'm telling you bro, and I really believe you can design the life that you deserve

[00:34:09] Yeah, and you know, I think for a long time I I kick myself down like you don't deserve this. I

[00:34:16] Don't know why

[00:34:17] imposter syndrome, maybe

[00:34:19] Like even like when my girlfriend asked me is like Johnson. Do you ever take time for yourself? Do you?

[00:34:26] No, bro. It's tough. Is that healthy though? It's not and I'm aware of that now

[00:34:31] Now I'm trying to I'm trying to allocate just a day a Janssen day

[00:34:34] But it's so tough broke like even when I do those days. I'm like

[00:34:38] guilty, I just sit here and not work on music not go after my dreams like times only I don't get back

[00:34:43] I've read something that said

[00:34:49] Time where you intentionally

[00:34:52] Choose to do nothing is not time wasted

[00:34:56] Because you've made a conscious decision to do nothing to give your mind in your body a break

[00:35:01] If you just

[00:35:03] Intended to do something that day and didn't do it

[00:35:07] Then you can say you've wasted time

[00:35:09] And I say that because I've also equally struggled with the idea of just sitting around

[00:35:13] Let's say on a Sunday afternoon thinking I really should be doing something right now

[00:35:18] I should be producing another episode. I should be sourcing another guest. I should be doing this. I should be doing that and

[00:35:25] Then I was like, all right. Well, you know what this Sunday and I actually ran this experiment last Sunday

[00:35:29] I'm gonna do absolutely nothing, but that's by design

[00:35:33] Not just because I woke up and I was like

[00:35:36] We'll see how the day goes. Yeah, it's by design. I'm not gonna check emails

[00:35:40] I'm not gonna respond to phone calls if someone I had a couple people text me. Hey, can I jump on a quick call?

[00:35:45] I said Monday. I'm like today today I'm off and

[00:35:50] I was more rested after that one day

[00:35:53] Than the other days where I just didn't end up doing anything but not by design

[00:36:00] Try it. I'm curious to hear if that works for you. That's deep

[00:36:03] No, thank you for that because I know that I know the feeling of wasting time is powerful when it grips you

[00:36:09] When you're just like I wasted so much time

[00:36:11] I could have been doing this and that and you're trying to squeeze so much into so little

[00:36:16] Because you feel like if you don't continue you're gonna lose that momentum and at any moment

[00:36:20] You're one bad decision away from ruin. Yeah, it's like trying to pull yourself back off that cliff

[00:36:26] No, you're absolutely right like my friends tell me all the time like Johnson like it's good

[00:36:30] You're on the grind but you need time for yourself

[00:36:32] And I think I have small moments like that aka in the morning when I'm you know going to the gym

[00:36:37] I'm saying these affirmations to me in the shower when I'm on Netflix when I'm on just

[00:36:43] Right. Mm-hmm chilling with my parents or

[00:36:46] My friends. Yeah, but no, I think that's something I want to do more of

[00:36:51] Cuz yeah, man, if you're not good up here it's gonna translate in every other part in your life, right?

[00:36:55] So tell me about the gut health thing. I'm curious because I've

[00:36:59] Got health. I've read reports that talked about how

[00:37:03] Poor gut health equals poor mental health

[00:37:06] It translates and then the rest of your body like so much of our body relies on how our gut is functioning

[00:37:13] Yeah, like our immune system everything's in the in the gut, right? I didn't realize how powerful the gut was

[00:37:18] But that supposedly one of the most powerful parts

[00:37:21] Like the second brain, yeah, like you learn about the shit growing up, but you don't take it seriously

[00:37:24] No, it's like at the point, but I just remember like I went to India on tour

[00:37:29] in 2020 and I came back and my my gut was just

[00:37:34] broken, bro, like

[00:37:36] Every three days. I'll get stomach pains like every couple of days

[00:37:39] Like I felt like I was going through a stomach flu and I'm like this is not normal

[00:37:42] Yeah, and then I did a colonoscopy test

[00:37:45] I did an eating test and the doctor telling me I'm fine. They don't see anything

[00:37:49] they put me on antidepressants because of the connection between anxiety and and and

[00:37:56] Gut so I tried all that but it would only help for like little moments of time

[00:38:01] So I'm going crazy inside cuz I'm like I need to tell me something's wrong. He found something

[00:38:04] Yeah, this is like reassure you yeah, and that's why I realized maybe I gotta go through the holistic approach

[00:38:09] You know, I found a natural path like so I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm in a better place now

[00:38:14] Like for example right now, I'm doing a thing like no drinking no refined sugar

[00:38:18] Staying with the whole food diet. I'm trying my best to just do that. They clean stay clean

[00:38:23] Yeah, cuz yeah a lot of stuff we eat on a daily basis

[00:38:25] It's it's a lot of junk food right garbage a lot of garbage

[00:38:28] We don't think about it, but over time and especially when I'm on tour and stuff

[00:38:32] I want to try foods

[00:38:33] Yeah

[00:38:34] You food and so much harder because then your schedule your travel schedules all over the place too, right?

[00:38:38] So it's like you're eating at different times you're eating what's available to you. It's harder to maintain your routine

[00:38:44] You're on planes. You're on trains buses you name it. So you do whatever you can. Yeah

[00:38:50] but for me

[00:38:51] Like relating it back to mental health

[00:38:53] I knew from a young age that my gut was attached to my emotions, right?

[00:38:57] For example, whenever I get nervous before a performance or thing

[00:39:00] I can or I immediately have to go to the washroom. Okay, I got that feeling so sound the same way

[00:39:06] I don't get it. And I thought this is normal, right? So I'll be talking to my friends like no

[00:39:11] I just sweat I'm like what the hell yeah, so even till this day, bro

[00:39:14] Yeah, no, I'm the same way I'm the same way and I'm like I hate it

[00:39:16] Yeah, but then that's when I realized okay, why am I fine? I'm so anxious. I'm so nervous

[00:39:20] But right so I don't know

[00:39:23] from all the stuff I've done and I think maybe through all the stuff that I've been through on this

[00:39:29] Life and career of trying to make it to the stream. Maybe I have like suppressed anxiety and stress that I don't even know

[00:39:35] They're just always lingering. Well, you could a lot of people can't have that and I think you just don't even know what's there

[00:39:42] Yeah, and maybe that's why it's always triggering my stomach

[00:39:45] Because I don't have any like consistencies for example, I can have dairy one day and it is really bad

[00:39:50] But the next day I can have the same day. I'm fine

[00:39:52] Hmm, so I've done food journals. I've done everything bro, and I'm like, there's no consistencies here

[00:39:57] So what what is it? I've known some things like spicy food. Yeah, spicy food is generally one of those

[00:40:03] Or like spicy food, but yeah, I can't have too much of it. Yeah, or like deep-fried foods

[00:40:10] I mean tastes so good, but it's so mad

[00:40:14] Yeah, bro, like that's a big part of my life journey

[00:40:17] Yeah

[00:40:18] Finding a way to heal my gut because I know if I can accomplish this much and going through this much pain every day

[00:40:25] Imagine what I could do when I when this is good. Yeah, I feel like I could be like superhuman

[00:40:30] So that's why that is on the on the piece of the

[00:40:34] You know potential suppression of anxiety and stress and whatnot. Are you doing anything to?

[00:40:41] to mitigate that

[00:40:43] I'm trying to do breathing like breathworks. Yeah, right. Like so I try to combine that into my morning routine

[00:40:49] When I'm saying these affirmations to yeah, I want to do more. I want to try getting to yoga

[00:40:54] I've heard good things. I've heard good things

[00:40:56] I've done it with my mom before but just like it's so hard to build a new habit

[00:41:00] Yeah, like with all the things we're trying to do with our life

[00:41:02] Like I'm just trying to get back into the gym now

[00:41:05] Yeah

[00:41:05] So that in itself has been a struggle but now to add like meditation on top of that now to add yoga on top

[00:41:11] Of that. Yeah, you almost don't want to add too many things and once a clean diet cleaner diet on that

[00:41:15] Yeah

[00:41:16] Like it's a lot to manage while trying to manage the recipe

[00:41:19] My life or so I feel like I got choose it one step at a time

[00:41:22] So right now I'm focusing back to being on the gym could just exercise it's just good for overall health and

[00:41:27] By time 30, I want to be I want to be able to look good too, man

[00:41:30] Yeah, right and then especially going back to Miami

[00:41:37] So what's

[00:41:40] What's next in this journey

[00:41:42] What's the most immediate thing and what's the thing coming up? Maybe a year or two from now?

[00:41:47] So for me I really want to build on the live production shows, okay, so I did for the Raptors piece

[00:41:55] Yeah, yeah. What was that like?

[00:41:57] How do happen? I mean it was so surreal bro. Like for me

[00:42:00] I feel like a lot of opportunity just came around same time

[00:42:02] Yeah, I just co-produced a song for shoot the house and Kamal Haasan really big acts out of you know, South India

[00:42:10] And then I got an email one day from someone

[00:42:13] Who wasn't actually a part of the Raptors, but I think he wanted to

[00:42:18] pitch my name

[00:42:20] Okay, I think he was just a fan

[00:42:21] Yeah

[00:42:22] I think a few people who worked at MLSC were fans my work and they pitched me to be a part of this first

[00:42:27] Ever South Asian night. Yeah, so shout out to you know, y'all I mean

[00:42:32] And then yeah, that's when people do that. I know right like I don't know what the I don't imagine in that scenario

[00:42:39] There was much of a reward for them

[00:42:40] It's not like a financial transaction where they get something returned

[00:42:43] But they just saw someone that they liked and they're like you're you're good

[00:42:46] Yeah, we want to put you forward type of thing. Like it's that small act of kindness that

[00:42:52] helps you

[00:42:53] Get further in your career

[00:42:55] That really and truly doesn't really do much for the person who did the act

[00:43:00] Yeah, that's real selflessness

[00:43:01] It is and that's why for me like everything I do is for my fans too

[00:43:05] Like all the music I do how I think about these shows how I think about

[00:43:08] My brand how it like I want to make sure like the fans love it, right?

[00:43:12] I want to make sure I give them experience give them something that they're happy with. Yeah

[00:43:16] So yeah a few people pitch my name and then I got a proper email from you know

[00:43:20] Somebody from the Raptors and like would you be open to do be doing two performances?

[00:43:25] So one in the concourse before the game starts and then one during the first quarter and me my team like we

[00:43:31] Gotta find a way we gotta get this done, right?

[00:43:33] Absolutely

[00:43:34] Cuz I didn't realize it was the first ever South Asian night to write that it was already happening

[00:43:38] Yeah, but I'm like I gotta be at the first and I'm like, you know

[00:43:41] Like you know if it's South Asian night everyone from South Asia should be represented

[00:43:44] Sure, and the middle is a big part of that culture for town people. So yeah, I did the concourse

[00:43:50] I did an interview and I didn't realize that was gonna be broadcasted in the main arena, too

[00:43:53] So actually a lot of my friends came to support and there's a lot of LeBron fans and then to make

[00:43:59] Like it was a game with the Lakers and like I'm not an extreme basketball fan

[00:44:03] But you know, I've watched games sure all my life

[00:44:06] So I know but if there was another team, it would be the Lakers. Yeah. Yeah, so

[00:44:10] Just I'm like

[00:44:12] The Broncos me play the long gun like I would have never thought it'd be like that, right?

[00:44:16] But no man

[00:44:17] I think for me it was such a surreal feeling like when I'm in it

[00:44:20] It's hard for me to really think of anything else because I'm just so like anxious and like I gotta make sure

[00:44:25] Good show for everyone. Yeah, I'm like Johnson you worked your whole life for this moment. Don't fuck it up

[00:44:32] Right go to the bathroom first don't fuck it up

[00:44:34] So for me, it's like game time. So I'm nervous until the moment I perform

[00:44:37] Yeah, all right, and then I'm performing and you're like in the zone and then I get in his own and then it finishes

[00:44:40] So fast, yeah, then I look back at the footage

[00:44:43] I'm like, wow, there's 13,000 people here

[00:44:45] And then when I finished I had a lot of people on the sidelines like like that

[00:44:48] I'm like, yo, you're your performance was awesome

[00:44:51] And then on Instagram once I posted the video was like it went viral man, and I'm like people in the community really

[00:44:58] Like showed you showed support. Yeah, I didn't realize how big of a deal it would be ever night

[00:45:03] Yeah for you to be there. I don't think validation for for the work that you've put in

[00:45:08] Exactly, and I think that's another thing I'm trying to work on

[00:45:11] It's hard for me just to accept that all the work I've done is

[00:45:16] Enough never feels complete it never like that happened and now I'm like it's kind of like, okay

[00:45:21] If I reach Mount Everest, I'm at the top

[00:45:23] How long I give me on the top of the mountain before you're gonna be bored eventually and you can see the next mountain

[00:45:28] So I feel like for me, I can't even enjoy the moment properly when I have it

[00:45:32] Because I'm like what's next?

[00:45:35] I hit I've hit here. Yeah, so I know where else I can hit now

[00:45:38] So I think that's why a lot of artists talk about the journey and it sounds very like oh, yeah

[00:45:43] I get it. You're talking about the journey. It all sounds whatever but it really is it's a it is the the journey of getting to that and

[00:45:52] Destination whatever that is. Yeah, because that's where you're celebrating your little wins

[00:45:56] That's where you're really soaking in the moments

[00:45:59] right if you know you you're thinking to yourself you want to get to Mount Everest and

[00:46:04] Then you overlook the Raptors moment like that's still a big deal

[00:46:09] Right and not one to just be like, yeah, you know what? I mean? Yeah

[00:46:13] No, you're absolutely right

[00:46:15] So no that was like after that. I'm like I always had a dream of performing at Scotiabank Arena

[00:46:21] With the Merzangam but you know life has a very beautiful way of like trying to present that dream to you

[00:46:27] I would have never imagined would be it at the Raptors for a game with the Lakers join for South Asian night

[00:46:33] Yeah, so no man. It was a blessing like looking back now

[00:46:37] Yeah, now I have the live production shows. I just did my debut show in Toronto. Thank you

[00:46:43] Like in March, okay sold it out. We had over 350 people that came out. Oh nice

[00:46:47] So now I'm like, okay have a product like imagine like a one-hour DJ set mix

[00:46:52] Yeah that embodies all of my musical taste and what I've loved some from a kid to now

[00:46:56] Yeah, I remixed old like top 40 hits blended it with South Asian classical hits with my live Merzangam with live production

[00:47:04] It's just like a part if you answer what a throw a party with his own music. This is what it sounds like right?

[00:47:09] So now, you know my team and I were currently trying to set up a North American tour and

[00:47:14] In the spring this on the road man

[00:47:16] So I'd really feel like this is gonna be the next part of my journey

[00:47:18] Yeah, and I just want to have fun with people man and with my music like I want to be at the festivals

[00:47:24] I want to reach mass audiences with the Merzangam with the South Asian culture reaching the gap in so many different other ways

[00:47:31] I think that's the the next step for me. It's awesome, man

[00:47:35] Listen I I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing all that

[00:47:40] About the the accident the relationship with the parents the gut health all that stuff. That's

[00:47:47] It's a wild few years you had

[00:47:50] but I

[00:47:52] Respect your work ethic and I also respect your self-awareness which I think is so important

[00:47:57] Thank you in this right because if you're not self-aware, it's very easy to veer off and fall off

[00:48:01] so kudos to you and

[00:48:04] I'm gonna be rooting for you man

[00:48:06] Likewise, thank you for the amazing conversation

[00:48:08] You know, I want to do more of these like I feel like I don't do enough and just being open about my journey

[00:48:15] I do when people ask me and I think it's important that yeah, you know, I'm still a human being

[00:48:20] I could do same things everybody else

[00:48:23] You know, I hope through this talk people this will be able to connect. Yeah, absolutely

[00:48:28] And then we'll do a part two. Yeah, I'm down bro

[00:48:31] Brother thank you so much for coming through. Thank you so much. Thanks everybody