Lessons From Lawrence Fishburne, Mindset & Life as an Actor: Atticus Mitchell | Ep 94 - Gent's Talk

[00:00:00] The best auditions I ever had were when suddenly I'm in there for you know 20 minutes

[00:00:05] And we're doing the scene over and over and over again, and they're just going okay. Try it this way try this way

[00:00:08] You're giving us stuff. Let's go like let's just play this is what it's all about

[00:00:12] And then there would be a far cry when you'd go in and do it once and they'd be like

[00:00:30] So Atticus hey, what's going on? I should like get in here right? Well you could

[00:00:44] Yeah, okay so then maybe just bring it all if you're gonna lean back just bring it back

[00:00:49] I'm probably gonna shift are you shifter. Are you as long as you don't bang on the table? I'm not gonna do that

[00:00:54] I'm not angry. Are you are you a happy person? Is that your your default?

[00:01:04] That's a that's a scary question

[00:01:09] I think I'm yeah happy

[00:01:12] Ish you try to be at the very least you know you want to lead life and some sort of

[00:01:18] Happy spectrum as much as you possibly can but a lot of times I mean like I'll catch myself

[00:01:24] Okay, if I'm like really enjoying a moment or having a good time at some point

[00:01:30] I'll be like wow do I deserve this do I deserve to be this

[00:01:33] Happy I don't really know there's so much going on in the world do it is this is this is

[00:01:39] This what I deserve to be and then I'll either smile more and go yeah, or I'll go no no no no

[00:01:45] No, I'll change the subject but uh

[00:01:49] What was the question again?

[00:01:51] My happy person yeah

[00:01:53] Well, okay, you know what now I'm really curious so in those moments when you're having a great time and you think to yourself

[00:02:01] You know with stuff happening in the world

[00:02:04] It can be very easy to go

[00:02:05] I don't deserve to be happy because of ABC and then sometimes when you find yourself having a good time you feel guilt

[00:02:12] Yeah

[00:02:14] Does that happen often?

[00:02:16] Not often

[00:02:17] No, it's I feel like it's largely dependent on you know

[00:02:21] I'm a pretty avid news watcher and just kind of pay attention to

[00:02:26] the environment and what's happening in the world and a lot of things can seem extraordinarily

[00:02:32] big and

[00:02:35] Sad and scary a lot of the time and I think ultimately the importance lies in

[00:02:42] Never losing sight of

[00:02:45] Your own individual privilege and like where you are in the world and

[00:02:50] The friends who have in the family that you love and who you have around you

[00:02:55] And just kind of reminding yourself of how lucky you are to be in the position that you are

[00:03:02] Yeah

[00:03:04] Freaky, I don't know. We're getting into some heavy shit

[00:03:08] My god, so you're right. You know I should have warmed you up a little bit

[00:03:12] About you I mean you happy person I try to be yeah, I will admit there are days where I wake up and go

[00:03:19] Here are all the reasons why I am not happy

[00:03:22] Yeah, and I struggle sometimes with that. I try to do this thing where I think about the things I've accomplished

[00:03:28] I have this obsessive need to like constantly do and achieve and one up myself

[00:03:35] You know and then I would compare where I was

[00:03:39] Yesterday the week before the month before and then once I've done that exercise. I'm like great

[00:03:46] How do I make myself feel worse? Let me start comparing myself to everyone else. Yeah, that's doing something some remotely similar

[00:03:53] and then I stop I

[00:03:56] Find myself sitting out of in a beautiful piazza in Rome. Yeah thinking

[00:04:02] I'm content. Yeah. This is a happy moment moments. Yeah, it's moments

[00:04:06] I think it really is a moment go. Yeah, it is a very much like this to shall pass kind of kind of thing where like even the

[00:04:13] Of course the low moments

[00:04:16] They never last forever

[00:04:18] But also the high moments never last forever either so there's like a kind of beauty in I find the impermanence of

[00:04:27] You know the the highs and lows of like intense emotion like yeah sitting at a piazza in Rome

[00:04:32] I was there in May for my 30th

[00:04:35] Oh

[00:04:36] And was there went with my dad and my brothers and we had a great time and they were just I mean that entire trip was just filled

[00:04:43] But like you know sitting at a cafe

[00:04:45] Like this is the life. Yeah, I could get used to this

[00:04:49] That's the point you can't get used to it because you don't live there exactly

[00:04:52] But if you live there, it'll probably turn you'll start to think about the lows and highs while you're there

[00:04:56] Of course takes away from it. Yeah

[00:04:58] Nobody's on top forever, baby

[00:05:00] What was one low moment that defines who you are today? Oh

[00:05:06] Geez a

[00:05:08] Defining low moment. Um, I

[00:05:12] Mean it's pretty cliche, but like any of these

[00:05:16] You know the multitude of like like being an actor and maybe coming close to like a certain

[00:05:22] Project or whatever and you can taste it almost and then it just kind of like slowly falls out of your grasp and

[00:05:29] Then that movie like comes out and you can watch it and be like, oh, yeah, that could have been me theoretically like but I don't know because those are so

[00:05:38] They're so common in this industry that I don't know if there's like a specific

[00:05:43] specific one but

[00:05:45] No, I'd have to go I

[00:05:49] Have to go probably that's the most like recent one that I can really remember was like my dog dying like two years ago

[00:06:00] That any anytime there's a there's a loved one passing

[00:06:03] I feel like

[00:06:04] Everybody goes through the gauntlet of like you're you're changed forever

[00:06:07] Like that that person or that animal that came into your life just to begin with

[00:06:11] Changed you already dogs are different. Yeah, and then to lose that connection that literal like unspoken

[00:06:17] Bond and love that you have with something else. Yeah

[00:06:21] is

[00:06:22] Pretty heavy man. How long you been acting for like 15 years

[00:06:27] Long time. Yeah a long time long time

[00:06:31] Since since I was 15. Yeah at a high school. Are you happy as an actor?

[00:06:35] Yeah with the choice to go down a path an unconventional path

[00:06:39] I think people glamorize being an actor 100% and then I realize the

[00:06:44] rejections the months without work the yeah, it's not really like

[00:06:50] fun

[00:06:53] But it is again like speaking of highs and lows like I

[00:06:59] I absolutely don't ever

[00:07:02] Even in even in low moments

[00:07:03] I never regret my choice to like become an actor into pursuit full-time because that those dopamine hits of

[00:07:10] Working on something where just all the pieces come together

[00:07:12] You're working with with friends or people that you idolize and you're all working together to create

[00:07:18] Something like something that's going to live forever in the catalog of time and film history

[00:07:24] I mean you try not to think about that too much because it can get like too big but

[00:07:29] Those like some of the fondest memories of my life are just you know one one day working on a movie with some

[00:07:37] Screen legend like Lawrence fishburn

[00:07:40] We're doing a movie with with this guy who I grew up idolizing and just being able to play and just being

[00:07:46] able to bounce things off each other and and and live in a moment and live in a world and

[00:07:52] Express yourself as much as you can

[00:07:55] with as much

[00:07:57] artistry as the script allows you to

[00:08:00] And so that that that chase like I experienced that when I was

[00:08:04] You know like 1718 and that's kind of been just the hunt ever since and as the years go by

[00:08:11] I've been very lucky. I think to

[00:08:14] Work fairly consistently as it as a Toronto actor since I started why do you say Toronto actor?

[00:08:22] Because I don't know. I feel like it's inherently different from being like an LA

[00:08:26] actor or

[00:08:28] Operating now within a much bigger playing field where there might be more opportunity

[00:08:33] And and just kind of more things we've had a bunch of people come on and talk about the need to move to LA

[00:08:40] Yeah, which I felt like was more

[00:08:43] prevalent

[00:08:45] Years ago

[00:08:46] It doesn't seem to be as much of a factor now because everything I mean we we barely even do in room auditions for anything anymore

[00:08:53] Everything is everything is virtual

[00:08:55] everything is self tapes

[00:08:58] Especially like the COVID was kind of the last name on the coffin for this to happen and then coming out of COVID

[00:09:02] I did think there was going to be at least some sort of

[00:09:06] Return to the norm of what we knew was the norm

[00:09:11] but

[00:09:12] They're just that there hasn't been apparently the necessity to really get back in rooms and like have that casting director and that reader

[00:09:19] experience everyone seems to be pretty content with

[00:09:23] Self tapes which have their pros and cons but I cons of it the cons of a self

[00:09:27] Well the kind of a of just kind of doing it on your own is you don't you're not getting immediate feedback

[00:09:32] You're not getting anybody saying that was great. Let's try it this way and maybe finding yourself

[00:09:40] Accessing some other some other point in the script that like you didn't think about before that maybe

[00:09:45] The director or the writer or whoever is in the room wants to see from you. Yeah, specifically

[00:09:51] And there are things that you just like might not ever think about

[00:09:55] When you're directing yourself and I've there are pros to direct yourself as well like I really do enjoy

[00:10:01] Self tapes some of the time if it's for something that you really care about you get to just play for

[00:10:06] As long or as short as you want and take your own time

[00:10:09] And there's no

[00:10:10] You know sitting around and waiting with seven other people who might look like you we're all going for the same thing

[00:10:16] And nobody really feels like talking to each other

[00:10:18] Is that what those rooms are like?

[00:10:21] Where you walk in you're like, why are you all here?

[00:10:23] I think early on especially when I didn't know anybody it was it was always very like why am I doing this?

[00:10:29] This is just the most

[00:10:32] Uncomfortable like oh geez and now you just walk into a room with well

[00:10:37] I mean that's like your buddies. It's been a minute since I walked into a room

[00:10:39] But yes, it turned into eventually you'd see somebody hey man. All right. I hope you get it

[00:10:45] Oh, I hope you get it. No, no, no, maybe we both get it. Well

[00:10:49] Yeah, but yeah pros and cons it's just been a endlessly shifting and changing industry

[00:10:57] Even yeah, especially regards to just like how you get a job

[00:11:01] But the learning curve is just constantly the goalposts are always moving. So it's it's exciting

[00:11:06] but it's

[00:11:08] not

[00:11:09] normal

[00:11:11] Certainly an unconventional. There's no real pattern to any of it

[00:11:15] But that can be that can be fun. Who knows you're always on your toes

[00:11:19] So ultimately when you walk into these rooms or there isn't necessarily going to be rules for how you

[00:11:26] behave when you walk in it's just kind of like you go in you sit down

[00:11:31] Yeah, and then you'd walk into a room and then people say hi and then you try to charm their pants off because maybe they'll like you more

[00:11:39] But you don't want to overdo it or else they'll hate you and they'll never want to see you again

[00:11:43] So is that a thing?

[00:11:45] I asked that because I've heard people say that I've heard them say that you want to be nice

[00:11:49] But you don't want to look like you're kissing ass

[00:11:51] likes

[00:11:52] sort of

[00:11:53] There look it's been 15 years in this business and I still I literally had this conversation with my agent three days ago

[00:12:00] Where we were both just kind of like neither of us are ever gonna fully understand the

[00:12:05] Imaginations of how this business works or what people like or what people are always looking for or any of that stuff

[00:12:11] And does it then still change from room to room in person to person? Absolutely

[00:12:16] I

[00:12:17] Think there's just an inherent if you're back in the days of going into a room and auditioning for something

[00:12:24] You have to at a certain extent leave your ego at the door

[00:12:29] But still keep it in your back pocket because you want to do a good job

[00:12:33] And so I mean my thing is was almost usually always based in part on like look I might not be the best actor

[00:12:40] I'm definitely not the best actor who's going into this room

[00:12:43] but he say that

[00:12:45] because

[00:12:48] You know that

[00:12:50] Exactly, so how do I even know if I am the best actor or not?

[00:12:53] I usually go on the side of like well, I'm probably not okay

[00:12:57] and a lot of it

[00:12:58] I mean especially growing up had a lot to do with

[00:13:01] like

[00:13:02] method and really just kind of discovering how to act and

[00:13:06] there being no

[00:13:08] true rhyme or reason to

[00:13:11] any of it because ultimately the point nine times out of ten is just

[00:13:17] You got to be a good listener and you got to appear human and

[00:13:21] real and occupy a space in

[00:13:26] Sort of as as naturalistic as you can possibly be and so going in and basically just like shedding your clothes and just being like hey

[00:13:33] I'm here to play. I'm here. Just like talk whatever the scene is

[00:13:36] Let's go around and that was the beauty of going into a room is that?

[00:13:39] Assuming people like to offer your first read or whatever you were showing them when you walked in

[00:13:43] The best auditions I ever had were when suddenly I'm in there for you know

[00:13:49] 20 minutes and we're doing the scene over and over and over again, and they're just going okay try it this way

[00:13:53] Try this way. You're giving us stuff. Let's go like let's just play this is what it's all about

[00:13:58] And then there would be a far cry when you'd go in and do it once and they'd be like

[00:14:04] That's it, hey, yeah

[00:14:07] But that was that was honestly that's one of the that was one of the first lessons you ever learned like that's you run into that

[00:14:14] Immediately and if you can get over that hump of that sort of rejection

[00:14:19] Hitting you in the face and being so visual

[00:14:22] I've you could take on the world like that's that's you just shrug it off. We okay. I wasn't right for this one

[00:14:27] It's a lot of rejection. Yeah

[00:14:31] Yeah, but I don't it just do you ever really learn how to cope with it

[00:14:36] Or do you have to almost shut it out? Yeah, you just don't I think

[00:14:41] You just don't think you just don't think about it

[00:14:43] It does it's it's in one ear and out the other and it's sometimes not even in your ear

[00:14:47] You just go which is why I go on the thing of like I'm not I'm gonna be the best actor walking into this room

[00:14:53] Because you know I could do it once they could just look at me and go like he's

[00:14:57] Sorry, you're not gonna cut it a lot of times. It doesn't even come down to who the best actor is in a room

[00:15:01] you're just

[00:15:03] enjoying the the benefit of being able to go in and introduce yourself and

[00:15:08] perform and and

[00:15:10] Get in touch with like what this craft is and show people what you got

[00:15:14] And so it's I never really try to approach anything on like a

[00:15:19] You know best-on-best basis like what does my talent level at it's just

[00:15:25] Do I do I want to work on this thing?

[00:15:28] Do I want to work with these people will this be fun?

[00:15:31] How much fun can this possibly be do I need money and that's where the aspect of everything being kind of

[00:15:39] Scary can can jump in and it's why this business is so

[00:15:44] hard to wrangle because

[00:15:48] Yeah, everything is changing all the time. It's so hard to keep up with with what people want and using this

[00:15:54] Career as like something consistent that's something that's gonna put money in your pocket like it isn't but it can be

[00:16:01] For those who get extraordinarily lucky. It's pretty well

[00:16:05] Is that the is that the other side of the the coin there is luck?

[00:16:10] Yeah, but I feel like luck kind of falls into really any industry

[00:16:14] I mean, it's all it's all about hard work and timing all kind of working out together

[00:16:20] There just seems to be because you're you're constantly going out for things

[00:16:24] all the time

[00:16:26] Sometimes the stars align and you get to work on something and it's like oh well great

[00:16:30] How much of that was luck? How much of that was my own talent? How much of that was I am an actor in Toronto?

[00:16:36] like it's it's funny my

[00:16:39] My best friend in this industry actor Adam DiMarco who you met

[00:16:44] Sometimes I think about just what had to happen for us to actually become friends in the first place

[00:16:49] Okay, like he was a he was born in Oakville, but moved to Vancouver went to VFS film school and

[00:16:56] We met because we both booked the same

[00:17:00] Disney Channel movie that brought us to BC together

[00:17:05] when I was

[00:17:07] 18

[00:17:08] And he was in his young 20s, and we just immediately became friends

[00:17:12] And he's been such a huge part of my life and we've created things together

[00:17:16] And we're always you know trying to make more things together

[00:17:20] And every time I think about what actually had to happen for us to know each other in the first place

[00:17:25] Like we both had to book the same job

[00:17:27] Literally, and that's actually crazy when you think about it because hundreds upon hundreds if not thousands of people go out for these jobs

[00:17:34] And when you say it's a Disney film. Yeah, it was it's insane. It's crazy

[00:17:38] It's wild and thinking about it freaks me out sometimes because I'm just like what if I didn't book that how different what my actual life currently?

[00:17:45] Yeah, be I wouldn't be here. We probably may not have straight out. Yeah, absolutely not

[00:17:51] And so that amount of chance and yes luck that is just embedded in in this industry and who you know and everything is

[00:17:59] Often too much to think about do you find yourself comparing?

[00:18:03] yourself to other actors

[00:18:07] Um like if you're an athlete, yeah, and I've had this conversation with athletes

[00:18:11] I've had this conversation with musicians where

[00:18:15] You just know

[00:18:16] We are looking at your peers in the industry and what they're doing and what works for them and where their career is headed

[00:18:23] And you know even the ones that you're good friends with you're happy to see them succeed

[00:18:27] But this is very much an industry where if you don't work, you don't get paid

[00:18:30] You don't eat so you obviously want the work

[00:18:34] When you see others in your industry that you know of when you see the same guys that you've seen over and over in these

[00:18:39] In these rooms

[00:18:41] Get the parts. Yeah

[00:18:44] How do you not let it affect you because I think again, that's that's that's another

[00:18:51] Sort of gauntlet you go through pretty early like that's another one that if you if that's something that you struggle with

[00:18:58] You're not gonna. I don't I don't yeah, I don't see you necessarily

[00:19:02] Lasting or two or two at the very least like maintain a healthy relationship with this business

[00:19:08] Which I think is key like it's it's got to work for you

[00:19:12] It's got to make sense. It can't it can't just be gloom and doom and know everybody's doing better than I am currently all the time

[00:19:19] sometimes those can

[00:19:21] happen, but usually I mean

[00:19:23] if anything when it comes to my peers and and seeing

[00:19:27] You know what a friend of mine books something really cool or gets to work with somebody really dope

[00:19:32] There's there's no sense of competition. It's it's it's pride first of all

[00:19:36] I love my people and I want the best for them all the time

[00:19:41] Then I'm always happy when somebody gets to do something really sick. It's it's it's amazing

[00:19:45] It's what all of us are dreaming about and if you really care about somebody like that's of course what you're gonna feel

[00:19:50] The competition part doesn't really ever become a part of it

[00:19:54] but if there is any sort of

[00:19:58] Other side to that it's it's it's a challenge. It is seen as a challenge. It's like well, how badly do I want that?

[00:20:06] What more do I need to do?

[00:20:09] So that I can hit like maybe the same level that my friend is about to hit right now like it's just it's just inspiring I've found

[00:20:16] Used to be competitive, but I just found that wasn't working for me. So I

[00:20:21] Try it as hard as I possibly

[00:20:23] Yeah, and

[00:20:24] the only

[00:20:26] again like not competition, but then we were just talking about like I wanted to go see Dune too and

[00:20:31] No spoilers. No spoilers, but had a good time watching it and there's a couple actors in that movie especially

[00:20:39] Butler awesome Butler. I'm just watching the entire time going like it was a combination of like boy

[00:20:45] I really want that like that's

[00:20:47] So sick what he is doing is so fun and at the same time just pure admiration just pure awe of like

[00:20:54] Here's a guy who I'm just watching

[00:20:57] And I saw him in Elvis and that was like my first kind of oh wow

[00:21:01] this guy is

[00:21:03] incredible and like younger than me and

[00:21:06] Stunning and he's got the voice, but he's just already just such a well embodied

[00:21:11] Actor like you can just see him live and breathe his work and that again just acts as both a

[00:21:19] Challenge and inspiration at the exact same time which never really I don't think falls into any sort of like competition

[00:21:25] Or like makes you feel bad about where you're at

[00:21:28] It's just like holy shit to be on that level like what a ride that would be that would be so much fun

[00:21:33] I'm so happy that that kid is having like the time of his life because that's that's that's the pinnacle. That's the dream

[00:21:40] That's how good this

[00:21:42] Craft this like art can be it can be

[00:21:46] That inspiring it's pretty sweet. You talked about

[00:21:49] How much he embodies lives and breathes the work?

[00:21:54] What's the it factor for actors when you walk in you meet someone you meet an actor and you go they have

[00:22:00] It's whatever that is

[00:22:02] Avatars

[00:22:05] Thor that might be what I'm drawn to okay, maybe just what he had

[00:22:09] I think it shifts. I don't know I've met I've met certain people that I've

[00:22:15] Is it swagger is it?

[00:22:17] It's a combination of you gotta kind of have

[00:22:21] As much of everything as you can possibly have I think like or maybe not

[00:22:25] I mean, I was about to say you can be like charismatic and confident and and swag and cool all rolled up into one

[00:22:32] And you're like the perfect package, but at the same time. I mean you could be

[00:22:37] extraordinarily not

[00:22:39] confident and still

[00:22:42] Ridiculously cool

[00:22:43] Just because you're doing your thing. Yeah, that's what it's all about. I think that's probably the key

[00:22:47] You just whoever you meet they're not putting anything on. It's just you're you're seeing them

[00:22:53] You're seeing the human being who's you know

[00:22:57] Running the same race that you are

[00:23:00] and I don't like what's an example of

[00:23:03] Somebody who hit me with that one. It's like okay, so may he rest in peace. I worked with Bill Paxton

[00:23:12] Years ago and

[00:23:14] That was one of the moments meeting him was one of the moments where

[00:23:18] It was a it was a very big kind of like I think that's the actor that I want to be

[00:23:24] as a young kid I was again, I think I was like 17 18 and

[00:23:29] My introduction to him we were

[00:23:32] It was my first day on set. We were up in North Bay

[00:23:34] shooting this this this creepy post apocalyptic horror movie called the colony and

[00:23:39] he I

[00:23:42] Was I didn't know anybody I was just there like in half my costume and just of all these adults around it

[00:23:47] I'm the youngest person there by a long shot and I'm lining up for lunch

[00:23:50] And all of a sudden I just hear mr. Mitchell and I turn around and it's bill Paxton

[00:23:56] And I'm like I haven't not I've not met you. I do not know like what I know who you are

[00:24:01] But okay right on you by your last name. Yeah, and he like grabs me is like here come sit

[00:24:05] Like come meet the gang and we had sit down. It's just us and the rest of the actors

[00:24:09] I'm like hi everybody. How's it going? And we're talking and we're talking and he goes like okay, so look

[00:24:15] My daughter is gonna kill me if I don't get a picture with you because she was a Disney Channel fan

[00:24:19] And and watched and watched the Disney Channel shit that I was on and I'm just there again shaking as a 18-year-old kid being like

[00:24:28] Yeah, this this is this is wild

[00:24:31] and for an actor of his caliber and his talent level to just

[00:24:36] immediately be that

[00:24:38] Charming that human that that charismatic that welcoming. I was just like

[00:24:43] Welcome it was awesome. Yeah, it's it's wild and so that's kind of been the

[00:24:50] At the very least when it comes to how you operate on a set I operate like with other people

[00:24:55] That was that was a big inspiration to just be warm and open and and kind like oh my god being kind of this business goes so far

[00:25:03] It's crazy like all of my best friends in this industry are just the nicest people

[00:25:08] I've ever known and that's what that's what lasts. That's what makes people want to work with you again

[00:25:14] It's funny you say that because I've also heard on the flip side

[00:25:17] You meet a lot of not so nice people who yeah show. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, they're good actors

[00:25:22] Yeah, that works too, but I don't know how to do that. Yeah

[00:25:28] Runs contract. I don't think I do

[00:25:31] But yeah, that's at the very least just how I've

[00:25:34] I

[00:25:37] Pretty much learned to

[00:25:40] Survive in this business, but but but thrive and make sure that you know, there's always something to work towards

[00:25:46] There's always

[00:25:48] Fun to be had and cool people to meet and that's just the goal going forward because just keep on working with

[00:25:54] Wonderful interesting kind artistic

[00:25:57] so expressive people if there's a I

[00:26:00] Used to say the word young, but

[00:26:02] There are actors of every age. Yeah, entering into that industry. So if there's a new actor

[00:26:10] Listening to this watching this

[00:26:12] What it what do you know now that?

[00:26:16] You would say too young Atticus when you were starting off that these new actors could benefit from

[00:26:22] Um

[00:26:31] Really just I mean it it's it is it is got I think a big part of it is just leading with kindness

[00:26:37] I think a big part of it is just

[00:26:43] Whatever avenue you find yourself going down in this industry just like be be open be daring

[00:26:52] be be excited to just try new things and

[00:26:57] and

[00:26:59] Be good. Just just be good to the people that you get to work with be

[00:27:05] Because it comes back it comes back at you

[00:27:08] and

[00:27:11] Yeah, don't get don't get frustrated at all of the rejection

[00:27:17] People that you might meet like don't let

[00:27:20] Unless unless like you have no other choice

[00:27:22] But but that stuff is in every job in the world like you're always gonna meet

[00:27:27] People you're always gonna work with things and you could be working on like the best project in the world

[00:27:31] And still things not go according to plan and be crazy and you might work with somebody who's just like a tyrant

[00:27:37] You don't get along or whatever

[00:27:39] But try your hardest to not let it impede

[00:27:45] What you want to say

[00:27:47] What you what you want to do what you have the opportunity to to show and present to the world

[00:27:54] And maybe not so many words, but okay. Yeah, I'll switch gears a little hit me

[00:28:00] Atticus Dean is who we see on social media. Yeah, but who is Atticus behind the public persona?

[00:28:11] Well, it's funny I'll give you my first impression

[00:28:13] Yeah, I met you we've met on a yellow carpet on a yellow car. I'll all star whatever that's right. That was fun

[00:28:18] That was fun. Yeah, good performance to buy by the beach crushed. I didn't realize it was the first time he played in a while

[00:28:24] Yeah, yeah, and I was surprised he went sexy with it

[00:28:27] He's got great voice in person. You know some artists sound great in your ears

[00:28:32] But when you see them in person, you're like your tunes a little off. Yeah, he was really good

[00:28:37] I

[00:28:40] But when we met the first impression I had from you was

[00:28:44] Super engaging super kind. Okay, and that part I think is very important. Yeah as the person having

[00:28:51] Asking you the questions. I was like, okay, this is this isn't gonna be a good one. This is easy

[00:28:56] I don't feel like it's been easy at all. Exactly. I'm sorry

[00:29:00] Trick-do. Yeah

[00:29:03] Stop tuning in right now

[00:29:06] But for people who don't know you yeah, they know you from what they see in on the screen. Yeah

[00:29:13] Who's Atticus? Who's the guy behind it all?

[00:29:16] Um, and do you separate them? Are they two different personas?

[00:29:22] They used to be separate

[00:29:26] Because I think also when I was younger there was I

[00:29:30] Just I had put more stock into social media and was more about it

[00:29:35] and now it's really

[00:29:39] Not something just as I've grown up that I think about all that often. I mean even just when it comes to

[00:29:46] Like the promotion of my own work

[00:29:49] I'm absolutely terrible at it and I used to do it and then something happened

[00:29:54] I don't know what but now I just I barely even

[00:29:57] Promote like my own when I make an album

[00:30:00] I'll do like a post and be like listen and then and then I then I chuck it and that's like the last I ever speak about

[00:30:06] You can do with this what you want

[00:30:09] And so if that's reflective of maybe who I am as a person like that

[00:30:15] probably makes sense. I just

[00:30:18] like to

[00:30:21] Live and and create and then have a good time and laugh and spend time with loved ones and

[00:30:28] Just try to enjoy life as much as possible

[00:30:33] preferably not

[00:30:35] Always through a screen even though that's like harder and harder to do

[00:30:39] Hmm as our brains become so transfixed by these things that we are so heavily reliant on it's kind of crazy

[00:30:49] But no behind the scenes yeah, I just

[00:30:52] I'm a pretty normal ass dude. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I haven't I haven't really thought about that in a long time

[00:31:02] Okay, so if we're making a movie about Atticus what the hell

[00:31:07] You'll play me Austin Butler Austin Butler

[00:31:10] And he can keep his head shaved or whatever you do

[00:31:14] Where does the movie start at what point in your life does a movie start when do things?

[00:31:19] Become what's the origin there?

[00:31:22] I

[00:31:24] Feel like it depends on what story you want to tell

[00:31:29] Like there are so many facets. I might tell the story of

[00:31:37] Kid in the beaches who wanted to be a hockey playing rock star and like follow up a brief stint for the

[00:31:44] Single-A Ted refunder and the GTHL on the left wing number 11

[00:31:49] And how many concussions that kid got and his broken finger this middle ring finger?

[00:31:54] I'm not flipping off the camera. Don't worry. It's the ring finger that blocked a slap shot

[00:31:58] And then upon my glove coming off finding that the finger had immediately turned black

[00:32:03] It was all black and I was I was crying so much that I got nosebleed. It was crazy

[00:32:07] I was like 11 years old

[00:32:09] I went to the doctor and the doctor was like a you're fine

[00:32:12] Just ice it and he gave us an x-ray and my mom was like what's that and

[00:32:16] Points at the finger that is very specific part of the finger and he goes like oh, yeah

[00:32:20] Okay

[00:32:21] I guess I didn't notice that because there was a direct straight line

[00:32:24] Down the x-ray down the finger that might bone had split in half

[00:32:28] Oh my god

[00:32:29] And then he went okay

[00:32:30] I guess I'll put a splint on it and just went

[00:32:33] And I again thought I was gonna pass out from how painful that was you could tell that story

[00:32:38] Um might come off as child abuse. I don't know how people want to watch that

[00:32:44] But I feel like

[00:32:47] Yeah, if there was if there was

[00:32:51] Something to really tell

[00:32:54] Probably maybe go the music route. I probably maybe just go like

[00:32:58] Looking at you still make music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

[00:33:03] I'm working on album currently

[00:33:05] And seem to be now getting way into the more of the the collaborative process with more people which I've always been kind of

[00:33:13] shy about

[00:33:15] Because I like my own semblance of control over this contemporary classical kind of stuff

[00:33:22] But this year has just

[00:33:25] The amount of people you meet like you just suddenly want to go like okay

[00:33:27] Well, I want to work with you. I want to make something with you

[00:33:30] I want to create and

[00:33:32] Collaborate and see what I can come up with as a team

[00:33:34] But it all started from just having a piano at the house that our mom forced us to

[00:33:41] Get lessons for and learn because I want to be a drummer

[00:33:44] She was like the only way you're gonna get your drums is if you figure out how the fuck a piano works

[00:33:49] And I was like don't swear at me mom

[00:33:52] I'm a child

[00:33:54] and then I got the drum set but

[00:33:59] Within like two or three years of having that thing I was

[00:34:03] Suddenly rocketed back to okay. Well, there is a not gonna deny that there is a certain level of

[00:34:09] of expression of therapy that comes with

[00:34:15] Creating a piece like mate just coming up with something on a piano

[00:34:18] I found that again like that high of

[00:34:21] Like what the hell was that chord changer's dead hole? Oh, did we feel feel that holy moly that was nuts

[00:34:28] To the music that I make now, which is all still very much. Do you still go back to the piano for therapeutic reasons? Yeah

[00:34:34] Yeah

[00:34:36] Everyone has a thing

[00:34:37] That's that that would be that would be mine. I think it was really I

[00:34:42] Started making music back in like 2017 like recording it

[00:34:46] but it is it is all born from the same just kind of like sitting down a piano and

[00:34:51] Whatever your feeling whatever you can hear any of that it just comes out and

[00:34:58] And your fingers do you're thinking for you and wherever it takes you like can either suck and you go?

[00:35:03] I well and how recording that or you do something and you're like, oh, whoa

[00:35:06] there's something there holy moly and

[00:35:09] It was born from also just you know listening to the right composers and

[00:35:15] The right inspirations that made me think like what I kind of want to do this like I would hear a

[00:35:21] director for instance was kind of I don't know if you've heard of him, but he's a

[00:35:25] very accomplished I think British German

[00:35:30] composer

[00:35:31] Who he has a he has a piece that really?

[00:35:35] Was kind of my intro to the whole thing called on the nature of daylight which is very popular has been in

[00:35:41] tons of movies and TV shows arrival

[00:35:43] Shutter Island last of us season one like you'll recognize it when you hear it

[00:35:48] but that kind of

[00:35:51] style being the

[00:35:55] The linchpin the jumping off point I just I just heard it and when like I think I can I can't do this

[00:36:00] But I can try I can try really really really hard. Would you pursue one?

[00:36:07] Creative outlet over the other if you have to decide fuck you

[00:36:12] If I had a gun to my head oh geez

[00:36:17] I

[00:36:18] Mean in a you know in a perfect world. No, I absolutely could not pick one over the other because

[00:36:23] All right, they have to both have to pick one, but they both

[00:36:28] You have to pick one

[00:36:31] But here's the difference. Yeah, here's the difference between the two is that

[00:36:36] The the the music the act of like music creation

[00:36:40] I have found because in the film industry like I'm trying to dabble in writing. I'm just really not much of a writer

[00:36:46] I'm not much of a

[00:36:48] independent creator of my own

[00:36:50] filmic stuff

[00:36:52] and the

[00:36:54] rush and the

[00:36:57] Reward from making your own thing is

[00:37:01] So potent and so palpable that I kind of really discovered with music making I was like oh, this is kind of what I'm missing

[00:37:08] It's what I'm not really getting out of acting. I'm acting. I'm getting the collaborative

[00:37:12] Excitement of making something with people and and really working on it make a movie by it's by yourself

[00:37:17] Yeah, yeah, you have to work very very social

[00:37:21] undertaking versus what my

[00:37:24] music career has been which is

[00:37:27] Extraordinarily independent. It's like very much my own thing

[00:37:30] So they're on completely different sides of the aisle in terms of what they give me and what I get from both

[00:37:37] If I had to pick one

[00:37:41] Hmm oh my goodness this sucks. This is impossible answer. I would say

[00:37:51] Like what's my like what do I what do I picture when I picture?

[00:37:55] Maybe like my highest possible moment. What's the highest in the acting space once the highest in the music space?

[00:38:03] So I think the highest in the acting space is

[00:38:07] Again like I can just picture myself on a set surrounded by actors that I

[00:38:14] Adore and am inspired by whether they're friends or whether they're people I've seen in something

[00:38:19] And and we're all together creating something

[00:38:24] Exciting and special and wonderful just like just just to work on something great with people that I

[00:38:30] Trust and we can just play like that's what it's all about

[00:38:34] versus

[00:38:40] Like I like a the middle of a cathedral or like

[00:38:44] Some auditorium hall somewhere just me and like some upright piano playing to the darkness of

[00:38:51] Small eyes that I can barely see

[00:38:53] In like complete silence and every time I think about that I get kind of like

[00:38:58] That's that's kind of the that's the dream like I want to

[00:39:04] Do that and I've done like versions of it. I've there was a

[00:39:08] Sound like you know, I think it's probably that because but again because it's just so different. It's so much more again like

[00:39:14] Therapeutic it's so much more of a

[00:39:17] It's almost like stage acting

[00:39:19] It's like like that connection you can have with an audience and to just get lost in

[00:39:23] In performance and something lived in and something current is

[00:39:28] Is is special and and rare and I've had taste of it with

[00:39:33] music

[00:39:35] Playing in like people's living rooms. There's just everybody standing together trying to listen and it's all dark and intimate and

[00:39:44] wonderful

[00:39:45] Well both crafts evoke emotion in the person receiving the art

[00:39:51] Yeah, it can sometimes it doesn't know if it doesn't I don't that's me. Yeah

[00:39:56] I mean part of those were a great job. Yeah

[00:40:00] Yeah, yes, it's the bag and those are the highs that's the that's

[00:40:06] For both parts like that is that is the dream on the acting side and the music side

[00:40:10] Just you just want to find yourself a musician where you're

[00:40:13] making something that can

[00:40:16] Touch people that can just

[00:40:18] Have people live in the moment and experience

[00:40:22] Something worth experiencing

[00:40:26] that they can go home and

[00:40:28] talk to friends about and remember for a long time and

[00:40:32] Yeah, creating creating memories my brother

[00:40:37] Yeah, what else do we have

[00:40:39] Love love is good. Love is great. I was all right when it's good. It's great. Yeah, it's bad. It's

[00:40:46] bad bad love

[00:40:48] Is it love at that point?

[00:40:51] Someone say yes, I would say no

[00:40:54] When you're gonna be me when your mom told you you had to play the piano. Yeah

[00:41:00] What was the reaction from your parents when you said you want to become an actor?

[00:41:04] Was it support? Oh, yeah, it was chill as fuck really. Yeah, which I guess is like rare

[00:41:10] but

[00:41:12] a lot of times it's met with

[00:41:14] Okay, yeah, maybe you should think of a plan BC and yeah, so I

[00:41:20] Mean I was I was I was young so I mean my my recollection of how it all kind of came about is different, but

[00:41:27] I'd probably different but I was

[00:41:30] Essentially we were we were approached by an agent who had moved into

[00:41:34] the condo like the bottom of our street who

[00:41:37] Had talked to my mom and was going like does your son have any interest in becoming an actor?

[00:41:41] Like I got like plucked essentially. Wow

[00:41:45] Lucky and yeah, and it was it was it was

[00:41:48] so

[00:41:49] Sudden things just happened. I just went like yeah, that sounds fun and

[00:41:54] Then met her and then was suddenly signed

[00:41:57] But I don't remember that process and then a week later. I went out for my first show

[00:42:01] Why TV's how to be indie and I got it and I was suddenly in a show like two weeks

[00:42:07] Everything just happened. Wow. It was all sudden. Yeah

[00:42:10] and so in terms of the

[00:42:14] Kind of growing up with it aspect

[00:42:17] You know I had done plays and in elementary school and all of that stuff and

[00:42:22] Was wanted to be some sort of performer. I just didn't really know exactly in what Avenue my parents were always very supportive

[00:42:28] They're always just like hey, this is the kid who at dinner

[00:42:31] We'll just randomly get up out of his chair and go to the end of the table and to start doing faces

[00:42:36] And then go below and then do a different face and then have the crowd would go wild

[00:42:40] Like this is the this is the greatest kid who ever lived look how funny he is

[00:42:45] So they're always just very excited and and

[00:42:50] Believed that if I really wanted this I could do it. I can just go for it

[00:42:55] and I had thought that

[00:42:59] like graduating high school

[00:43:01] And making the decision to not pursue secondary education and just kind of dive headfirst into

[00:43:08] The acting world would have been more of a point of tension and conversation

[00:43:13] But it wasn't

[00:43:15] Which still surprises me to this day like yeah, sure there were conversations about like, you know plan bees are good

[00:43:22] Have you considered welding?

[00:43:24] Welding is cool. You could make money and by making so you can make your own money

[00:43:30] That never really existed it was just kind of like look if you enjoy it and you want to go for it

[00:43:35] Like we believe in you you just got to believe in yourself just go for it

[00:43:38] So yeah, it's always just been a very kind of open and shut like I'm

[00:43:43] Not on my own, but like you're choosing to do this. So give all yourself to it

[00:43:48] Go nuts. It's incredible that you have that kind of support. I love my family. They're so sick. They're great

[00:43:54] They're wonderful. They're so dope. We're all they're all in Toronto. We're all Toronto people at the beaches

[00:43:59] I'll make them so dope

[00:44:02] Everybody's really funny

[00:44:04] Everybody's really funny. My brothers are like you're kind of funny because they're family. Well. Yeah

[00:44:10] I mean, I'm extraordinarily biased and I steal all of my best bits from them

[00:44:14] Like we all just kind of take from each other. It's great. How many brothers you have? I'm in the middle of two. Okay, Fox and Caleb

[00:44:22] Yeah, they're everybody's everybody's good my mom owns a used bookstore in the beaches called the Great Escape

[00:44:28] She it's her and my brother my older brother Caleb. They just kind of work it together

[00:44:31] But adds a lawyer

[00:44:33] And my younger brother works at a long-term care home. He's the kitchen manager. Very cool

[00:44:39] and everybody is just

[00:44:43] Super dope. I don't even want to think about like

[00:44:49] The science that had to come together and the miracle that had to happen that I was actually born into this family and like raised

[00:44:57] By these parents like you ever think about sperm cells and how many of those motherfuckers there are?

[00:45:03] It's crazy

[00:45:05] It's nuts. It's too scary to think about. There's a scene from I just I don't I rewatched Watchman the other day

[00:45:11] Okay, the Zack Snyder one. Yeah insane movie. It's so weird, but there's one scene in it with with with with

[00:45:18] Dr. Manhattan talking to I forget the name of the lady character

[00:45:23] But he's he has this whole spiel to her worries

[00:45:27] Going like you know, he's this he's this omnipotent God figure and and

[00:45:32] Is explaining to her that like he as he sees everything he's able to see everything and see through time and all that stuff

[00:45:40] He's now suddenly brought to like emotion thinking about the

[00:45:46] miracle aspect of two people loving each other and

[00:45:50] Creating a new life that ends up being like this person

[00:45:54] He's like you are a miracle and I was just like well, this is profound for a very

[00:45:59] Kind of mid-movie, but holy moly

[00:46:01] It's really hitting me like a truck and it made me think about myself

[00:46:04] I'm like, yeah, my parents had to get together

[00:46:06] They had to make me and my brothers like I would not be the same person without them again

[00:46:10] But like you're a miracle to my man

[00:46:13] It's funny you say that because the other day was like is I'm really not I

[00:46:20] Am a marriage piece of shit

[00:46:24] I am a miracle damn it

[00:46:26] My mom would say I'm a miracle that's all that matters

[00:46:30] That's what mom's at best. I was thinking about this the other day where we're nothing but specks of dust

[00:46:35] I know like in the grand scheme of things. Yeah

[00:46:38] The the I forget what the exact quote was but it was Neil deGrasse Tyson who was talking about the percentages of

[00:46:46] Us even being alive to have a conversation

[00:46:51] Relative to the percentage of us not being alive

[00:46:53] How lucky we are that we're on this side of the spectrum and it makes me think about

[00:46:59] Just how fortunate we are to be on this floating rock in the middle of a

[00:47:04] Galaxy that's in the middle of the universe and we're just like

[00:47:08] And I worry about when my Uber delivery doesn't show up on time

[00:47:12] You know what I mean, and I'm like didn't bring in my damn roti

[00:47:16] Me eating my roti, but then I'm just like that. We really are lucky

[00:47:21] Yeah, and the grand scheme of things. Yeah, it can become

[00:47:27] Overwhelming sometimes I mean

[00:47:30] Existentialism hits us all at points where we don't really expect it to happen

[00:47:34] You're suddenly lying awake at 2 3 in the morning just going like what the heck is the point of everything?

[00:47:38] And you can you can look at

[00:47:41] yourself essentially as

[00:47:44] As like just a drop in a very very vast ocean speck of dust as you said

[00:47:48] But then sit with the exact same thought and go like oh, yeah, but what is an ocean?

[00:47:54] But a multitude of drops like we're all in this together. I think that's a quote from a movie

[00:47:58] I just don't remember what movie it is, but I use it all the time. It's not a quote from a movie

[00:48:01] I came up with it right now exactly sweet. That's I'm gonna put a TMI

[00:48:06] And that kind of clipping this reel right here

[00:48:10] But that yeah that vastness I feel like can yeah, I can easily be overwhelming but

[00:48:16] Doesn't have to be you can just you can use it you can you can weaponize it and just go like

[00:48:24] Pretty special it is a miracle and it's what are you most grateful for

[00:48:29] Um

[00:48:35] Knowing the people that I know and

[00:48:38] Knowing them at the level that I do

[00:48:40] The

[00:48:43] The the human connections that I have in my life. I'm just always so

[00:48:49] Taken with

[00:48:51] And how lucky I am to again be in a position that I'm at

[00:48:56] and

[00:48:57] Not just giving the love that I have but receiving it from all these people that like I would I would die for

[00:49:04] Any given moment

[00:49:07] and then secondarily like

[00:49:10] Hey, I have so much opportunity to travel and see the world and and work on things and meet new and exciting people and like all of that stuff

[00:49:19] but

[00:49:20] Yeah, it's hard to it's hard to top just

[00:49:24] The clan

[00:49:25] That I have and how much I owe like

[00:49:29] Everybody that I know and will never be able to fully repay back anybody for like the kindness and the care that they've given me

[00:49:37] But that's the that's the beauty baby. How about you if you have an answer different than mine, I'd love to hear it

[00:49:45] That's gotta be crazy

[00:49:50] I'm grateful for

[00:49:54] Wow

[00:49:55] It's hard sometimes when I'm asked questions on this podcast. Yeah, sorry

[00:50:01] I'm not you can just say not

[00:50:04] Pass pass. Yeah

[00:50:06] No, you know what I'm grateful for

[00:50:10] every moment

[00:50:12] that

[00:50:14] Was hard

[00:50:15] Nice, that's good

[00:50:18] And I'd say that because I think that's shaped who I am today. Yeah, and it's a collection of moments

[00:50:25] That have resulted in this

[00:50:28] current iteration of smear and

[00:50:30] I'm confident in that the next

[00:50:33] Several moments of hardship over the next whatever period of time will

[00:50:38] Modify and evolve this current iteration of smear and just constantly changing which I think also sometimes

[00:50:45] Is a nice reminder that I can't expect other people to stay

[00:50:51] The same

[00:50:53] Yeah, that's a big one. They will constantly

[00:50:56] Change yeah, yeah, which especially in relationships personal romantic dude in in friendships that stuff is wild

[00:51:06] the person you met

[00:51:09] Versus who they become on their journey and whether you two are now compatible still exactly and you sometimes long and hold

[00:51:16] Onto that version of them that existed when you first met them or when you really built that relationship

[00:51:22] And now they're no longer that person

[00:51:24] You start to wonder

[00:51:26] Is it our fault? Is it my fault? Yeah, what happened because at the same time you're no longer that person either

[00:51:31] Yeah, exactly like everybody's changing all the time. It's just it's just

[00:51:35] That test of can you can you grow together as people which is again why I'm so grateful for the people around me

[00:51:41] It's like we prove it time and time again

[00:51:44] You know, I'm pretty solid in the people that I have in my life

[00:51:48] I think we're gonna be okay. I think we've I think we nailed it

[00:51:52] I think we got the group or down to add more but like you guys aren't going anywhere. Yeah, I'm extraordinarily grateful

[00:51:58] There's always a core

[00:51:59] Group of people that you keep in your life. Yes, I don't think you I don't think it's possible to have a large

[00:52:06] Group of friends where you can maintain a deep connection with all of them

[00:52:12] Well, yeah, because I mean the deep connections kind of come with time and there's only so much of it

[00:52:17] There's only so much of that that you can give to

[00:52:20] Dozens of people if not hundreds of people

[00:52:23] Well, in reality it takes so much time to just build that deep connection with one person let alone dozens

[00:52:29] Yeah, it's ears. Yeah, yeah, sometimes it takes a day

[00:52:33] So there's some people that just meet and you're like

[00:52:38] Yeah, you got a best friend I have about five Jesus

[00:52:43] five

[00:52:45] Bragging podcast

[00:52:51] I don't like to add the term best friend. Yeah, I was that was gonna follow up sure I

[00:52:59] Have a group of really close

[00:53:02] Friends that yeah all and this can come off

[00:53:06] Can sound negative in some ways, but they serve very specific purposes

[00:53:12] One guy does your laundry

[00:53:14] Yes, it takes your dog for a walk one guy schedules my podcast episode

[00:53:21] No

[00:53:26] But they there's one that I can turn to when I'm like, you know what I need I need sage advice

[00:53:33] Mm-hmm. I'm going through something. I need someone who can just level with me

[00:53:37] There's one where I'm like no matter what's happening in my life

[00:53:41] This person will find a way to just bring out the child at me. Yeah, keep me like just joy. Yeah

[00:53:49] My girlfriend is

[00:53:52] Incredible she plays a huge role

[00:53:54] I tell her she's my best friend

[00:53:56] Because I have to don't

[00:54:00] She usually stops halfway

[00:54:04] But yeah, it's it's I have a group of friends that I rely on

[00:54:09] But I also can't expect and this is funny because I have to learn this the hard way

[00:54:13] You can't rely on one person to be everything for you. Yeah, of course, right?

[00:54:17] Like you can't if you're in a romantic relationship

[00:54:20] Or you have a really really good best friend close friend whatever you can't expect them to be your confidant

[00:54:25] Your comedian your shoulder. It's nice if they fill multiple roles

[00:54:30] But it's unfair to ask them to do all of that why it's important to have different outlets

[00:54:35] Yeah, so that's why I try to maintain a good circle of friends. Yeah

[00:54:41] It's important. Yeah, um

[00:54:43] I want to go back to one thing before we cap off here. You talked about ego

[00:54:49] Yeah, yeah, that's a big one for guys in general

[00:54:54] But when you start to see some

[00:54:57] Attention, you know your social following starts to grow

[00:55:00] You're on TV you're in a movie you start to to be the guy known in your circle as

[00:55:08] That's the actor. He's the guy making things get a lot of Hollywood over yee

[00:55:13] How do you?

[00:55:15] Rain in your ego and is there ever a point where you need your ego?

[00:55:19] To like to take over like you need it to play a role

[00:55:23] I

[00:55:26] Mean I think it's

[00:55:27] Perfectly entwined with literally what we're just talking about I

[00:55:32] Can't really think of like a better ego check to have around then like who you have in your circle

[00:55:37] I that's a role that like somebody can absolutely

[00:55:41] Phil is your ego checker and somebody just be like hey

[00:55:44] You're being a huge bitch right now. Stop being a huge bitch

[00:55:49] and

[00:55:52] Yeah, I mean I definitely have that with maybe maybe all of the people I have in my circle I

[00:55:58] look to

[00:56:00] The people who's whose opinions that I care about the most for my cues on on integrity

[00:56:06] And they rarely ever let me down

[00:56:11] But when it comes to a

[00:56:15] Job

[00:56:17] You're just talking about like how best to maybe like control it or how best to yeah

[00:56:21] I imagine if you're if you go for a gig you get the gig and now and that gig is

[00:56:27] High-profile enough that it won't it generates attention and

[00:56:32] Suddenly you you notice more people paying attention to you

[00:56:37] Sometimes it could inflate your head it can yeah, yeah

[00:56:41] I

[00:56:43] Mean if you don't have somebody tapping on the shoulder and being like bring it down a couple notches

[00:56:48] I

[00:56:50] Have found that I

[00:56:53] It's really just self accountability. It's just it's just being able to

[00:57:00] step outside of yourself and

[00:57:04] Yeah, hold yourself accountable for how you might be responding in a situation or how you might be talking

[00:57:11] To somebody and like the vein that you're talking to them and like who deserves your time all that shit

[00:57:16] I don't think it's like

[00:57:18] There's like a black and white to it because again, I mean ego can be used

[00:57:24] This but again like in say audition circles or whatever yeah, like it can it can give you charisma

[00:57:30] It can give you confidence like it's it's good to have that sort of swagger that we were talking about

[00:57:35] But to avoid it getting

[00:57:38] Out of control

[00:57:42] God I really just think that at least just for me it is about the people that you have around you it is it is just about

[00:57:49] trusting that somebody's going to

[00:57:52] Check you if you if you find yourself needing checked yeah, especially when you're younger

[00:57:57] I feel like as you grow up

[00:57:59] You you kind of like learn and you

[00:58:02] Discover how to talk to people and how to not be like a dick

[00:58:09] Which which again like if you're being a dick to somebody like you and maybe something being a dick to you

[00:58:14] And you care about them or like whatever like sometimes you'll have somebody be like shut the fuck up real quick

[00:58:20] You're being a dick to me. Yeah, be like oh god

[00:58:23] Sorry, yeah, or if you're it's already too late you go like well no you're being defensive

[00:58:28] How dare you call me a dick when I'm being a dick to you I'm gonna kill you like all that

[00:58:32] So I don't think it's a necessary

[00:58:36] Like there's there's a there's a there's a right way to go about it

[00:58:39] I think it's just humility is like such a big big one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's big

[00:58:47] Just just centering yourself being present and again

[00:58:52] Grateful that you you're you are where you are and you get to do things that you get to get

[00:58:57] I think if you always carry that with you

[00:58:59] Ego shouldn't really ever be too much of a problem

[00:59:02] If you're again leading with love and kindness and graciousness

[00:59:06] You're happy to be here happy to be alive

[00:59:09] amazing, maybe

[00:59:11] Or maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I have no idea dude

[00:59:15] That's a great part to end this conversation

[00:59:19] Either we know what we're talking about we have no fucking clue

[00:59:22] That's what podcasts are for exactly long form figuring out what we know and don't know

[00:59:27] After an hour we go. Yeah, well, I don't know if I learned anything

[00:59:32] That's on TV yeah, I guess thank you so much

[00:59:36] Thanks for having me brother. I appreciate you being here. I appreciate you sharing your time with me

[00:59:40] And I'm rooting for you. I hope you get everything you desire

[00:59:46] You're one of the good ones super kind like I said my first impression. You were so humble so kind and I appreciate that

[00:59:53] quite a bit so

[00:59:55] Yeah, this was great. Thank you so much and let's do a part two where we just like hang out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

[01:00:03] Maybe without cameras or with cameras. We'll see

[01:00:09] Out of cuz thank you so much for that appreciate it. Thank you Poncho. Thank you so much everybody